[extropy-chat] Onan's disgraceful sin

[Spike]

> Subject: [extropy-chat] Onan's disgraceful sin
> 
> 
> > > ...Surely most people have
> > > heard of "the sin of Onan" at the very least.
> >
> > http://www.libidomag.com/reviews/professionals/selfpleasure.html
> 
... 
> Onan was killed by Yahveh for withdrawing `prematurely' and 
> `spilling his seed upon the ground'.
> 
> But wait, there's more.
> 
> The naughty man wasn't punished fatally just for coitus 
> interruptus, but due to his *motive* for withdrawing...  Damien
Broderick


Well, yes but this is how I BELEIVE it happened.
(Brett, note legitimate usage in this case.)  God
made too hasty a decision in slaying the hapless prole, 
and here's why:

Onan was to conceive a child to carry his brother's
name, but he knew that people can read calendars and
subtract, and so they would realize that this kid is really
Onan Junior.  Then he recalled all the trash the kids
dished out over the entire years he was in school, as 
kids are known to do in nearly infinite quantities, such as:

Hey Onan!  May I call you The Big O?

and

Hey Onan!  Hows it feel to know your name will be synonymous
with auto-eroticism for the next several thousand years?

and

Hey Onan!  Feeling especially self-reliant today?

and 

Hey Onan!  The Rabbi needs someone to give a lecture
to the students on safe sex.

and 

Hey Onan!  My, what large biceps you have.

and

Hey Onan!  When you started school, did you study under
Master Bates?

and 

The name is Bond.  James Bond.  This is my friend
Off.  Jack Off.


And so on until the poor chap was beside himself.
Kids are cruel as you know, even those destined 
to become bible writers.

So old Onan is carrying out his orders from god,
in the sack with his sister-in-law, thinking all 
this over and just at the critical moment he just
snapped and said: NO, God! dammit!  I will not put
another innocent child thru this torture!

Of course the rest is history.  But I still think
god was mistaken to slay the guy, as his motives
for disobedience were pure.

spike