[extropy-chat] [humor] helpful hints

Spike spike66 at comcast.net
Fri Apr 9 04:00:45 UTC 2004

Thought you could use such helpful hints these days 
     1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
     of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be 
     almost instantly removed. 
     2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
     someone else to hold them while you chop. 
	3. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
     a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. 
     4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you 	from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the
snooze 	button. 
    5. Have a bad tooth ache?  Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you
will 	forget about that tooth. 

     6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then
you 	will be afraid to cough. 
     Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really
     You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move
and it 
     should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. 
     Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 
     Never pass up an opportunity to go potty. 
     If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

     And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never

     know when you are going to need them to carry out your
cryonics-related instructions. 

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