[extropy-chat] [humor] helpful hints
Spike
spike66 at comcast.net
Fri Apr 9 04:00:45 UTC 2004
Thought you could use such helpful hints these days
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup
of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting
someone else to hold them while you chop.
3. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
for
a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the
snooze button.
5. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you
will forget about that tooth.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then
you will be afraid to cough.
Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really
Are...
You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move
and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.
If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never
know when you are going to need them to carry out your
cryonics-related instructions.
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