[extropy-chat] HUMOR: Ordering Pizza under TIA

[Mike Lorrey]

Ordering Pizza under Total Information Awareness

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..." 

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order." 

Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?" 

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610." 

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which
number are you calling from, sir?" 

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?" 

Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir." 

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas..." 

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir." 

Customer: "Whaddya mean?" 

Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high
blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health
Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice." 

Customer: "Dang . What do you recommend, then?" 

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure
you'll like it." 

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?" 

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion." 

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
What's the damage?" 

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids,
sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99." 

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number." 

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit." 

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
driver gets here." 

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's
overdrawn." 

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take? 

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while
you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be
a little awkward." 

Customer: "How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?" 

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that
you'd be using it." 

Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!" 

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop." 

Customer: (Speechless) 

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?" 

Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of
Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas." 

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us
from offering free soda to diabetics." 

=====
Mike Lorrey
"Live Free or Die, Death is not the Worst of Evils."
                                       - Gen. John Stark
"Fascists are objectively pro-pacifist..."
                                       - Mike Lorrey
Do not label me, I am an ism of one...
Sado-Mikeyism: http://mikeysoft.zblogger.com

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