[extropy-chat] Gay Marriage: Letter from Bette Midler

[natashavita at earthlink.net]

A dear friend just sent this to me:

____________________

Dear President Bush,   

Today you called upon Congress to move quickly to amend the US
Constitution, and set in Federal stone a legal definition of marriage. I
would like to know why. 

In your speech, you stated that this Amendment would serve to protect
marriage in America, which I must confess confuses me. Like you, I believe
in the importance of marriage and I feel that we as a society take the
institution far too lightly. In my circle of family, friends and
acquaintances, the vast majority have married and divorced - some more than
once. Still, I believe in marriage. I believe that there is something
fundamental about finding another person on this planet with whom you want
to build a life and family, and make a positive contribution to society. I
believe that we need more positive role models for successful marriage in
this country - something to counteract the images we get bombarded with in
popular culture. 

When we are assaulted with images of celebrities of varying genres, be it
actors, sports figures, socialites, or even politicians who shrug marriage
on and off like the latest fashion, it is vitally important to the face of
our nation, for our children and our future, that we have a balance of
commitment and fidelity with which to stave off the negativity. I search
for these examples to show my own daughter, so that she can see that
marriage is more than a disposable whim, despite overwhelming evidence to
the contrary.   As a father, I'm sure you have faced these same concerns
and difficulties in raising your own daughters. Therefore I can also
imagine that you must understand how thrilled I have been over the past few
weeks to come home and turn on the news with my family. To finally have
concrete examples of true commitment, honest love, and steadfast fidelity
was such a relief and a joy. Instead of speaking in the hypothetical, I was
finally able to point to these men and women, standing together for hours
in the pouring rain, and tell my child that this is what its all about. 

Forget Britney. Forget Kobe. Forget Strom. Forget about all the people that
we know who have taken so frivolously the pure and simple beauty of love
and tarnished it so consistently. Look instead at the joy in the beautiful
faces of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon â EUR " 51 years together! I mean,
honestly Mr. President - how many couples do you know who are together for
51 years? I'm sure you agree that this love story provides a wonderful
opportunity to teach our children about the true meaning and value of
marriage. 

On the steps of San Francisco City Hall, rose petals and champagne, suits
and veils, horns honking and elation in the streets; a celebration of love
the likes of which this society has never seen.   

This morning, however, my joy turned to sadness, my relief transformed into
outrage, and my peace became anger. This morning, I watched you stand
before this nation and belittle these women, the thousands who stood with
them, and the countless millions who wish to follow them. 

How could you do that, Mr. President? How could you take something so
beautiful - a clear and defining example of the true nature of commitment -
and declare it to be anything less? What is it that validates your marriage
which somehow doesn't apply to Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon? By what power,
what authority are you so divinely imbued that you can stand before me and
this nation and hold their love to a higher standard?   Don't speak to me
about homosexuality, Mr. President. Don't tell me that the difference lies
in the bedroom. I would never presume to ask you or your wife how it is you
choose to physically express your love for one another, and I defy you to
stand before Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon and ask them to do the same. It is
none of my business, as it is none of yours, and it has nothing to do with
the "sanctity of marriage". 

I'm sure you would agree that marriage is far more than sexual expression,
and its high time we all started focusing on all the other aspects of a
relationship which hold it together over the course of a lifetime.
Therefore, with the mechanics of sex set aside, I ask you again - what
makes a marriage? I firmly believe that whatever definition you derive,
there are thousands upon thousands of shining examples for you to embrace. 
You want to protect marriage. I admire and support that, Mr. President.
Together, as a nation, let us find and celebrate examples of what a
marriage should be. Together, let us take couples who embody the principles
of commitment, fidelity, sacrifice and love, and hold them up before our
children as role models for their own futures. Together, let us reinforce
the concept that love is about far more than sex, despite what popular
culture would like them to believe.   

Please, for the sake of our children, for the sake of our society, for the
sake of our future, do not take us down this road. Under the guise of
protection, do not support divisiveness. Under the guise of unity, do not
endorse discrimination. Under the guise of sanctity, do not devalue
commitment. Under the guise of democracy, do not encourage this amendment. 


Bette Midler 


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