[extropy-chat] Death

[Samantha Atkins]

Some of you know that I have been caregiver to my long term friend  
and roommate Michael who was terminally ill.  This morning he died.   
I refuse to use the euphemisms like "he passed on" or "made his  
transition" or any other such well-meaning clap-trap that seems so  
goddamned empty right now.  One moment he was there, working so hard  
simply to breathe, the next minute he wasn't and the long struggle  
was over.  A moment before he answered some meaningless question I  
asked.  A moment later - nothing.

You know I have believed a lot of spiritual teachings in my life.  I  
have experienced many things I can't easily explain away from the  
materialistic scientific side.  Most of the beliefs I got over.  But  
I still thought I would feel something, experience something when  
Michael died - some touch of his "essence" saying goodbye,  
something.  For what little that seems worth right now I always felt  
most "psychically linked" to Michael.  We were very close.  I almost  
married the guy twice.  But I felt nothing.  No jolt of energy in his  
body at the end, nothing - nothing in the hours since, excepting  
waves of grief and sadness alternating with feeling numb.  It was  
like a switch simply turned off.

Don't mind me.  I will be ok.  I am sorry to lay this out there as I  
know many may be uncomfortable or feel I am laying something too  
personal on their heads unfairly.  I am simply processing.  I have no  
idea if it is right or wrong to write this or post it.  I don't  
really care.  For a while now I will simply do what I do.

- samantha