[extropy-chat] holy cow people, batman!
spike66 at comcast.net
Sat May 7 16:47:15 UTC 2005
> ... Granted the Extropian list may not be the best
> place to look for poetic license but holy cow people!
> John K Clark
Thanks, John, my thoughts exactly.
Do you know any holy cow people? I need to
consult with them if so, and they really don't
even need to be holy, just so long as they are
cow people. My parents recently purchased a
cattle ranch. I have learned some new
terminology which must be mastered, for I elicited
gales of derisive laughter by commenting on
70 heads of cattle. I was told that the plural
of head is head. So I countered that I really
meant that this ranch supports 280 hoof of cattle,
or if they prefer, 140 kidney of cattle. These
explanations failed to make clear my intention. Perhaps
holy cow people are not good with mental arithmetic.
Another such puzzler is the term "cow puncher". Would
not the SPCA object to punching the cattle? I know
the definition of "cowboy", having seen them strumming
guitars and singing on TV, but it is not clear why the
gender of the cow-human must be specified in this
context, holy or otherwise. And what if this cow-human
received a tech upgrade of his or her mind or body? Would
he or she be a cow-transhuman? Or a trans-cowhuman?
I know from viewing Bonanza there is such a thing
as a cow poke, altho I am reluctant to inquire
regarding the actual job description of such a
profession. Hoss Cartwright was a cow poke, but
the producers of the show drew the curtain of
mercy upon further elaboration.
In any case, I have concluded that cattle are
painfully boring lifeforms. Having learned from which
end the moo emerges, I soon began to suspect that
this moo is apparently the only verbiage of which
these beasts are capable. Horses appear to utter
at least three comments: "nay", "whinny" and that
b-b-b-b-b flappy lips thing that horses do.
It seems cows could work out a more effective
system of communications, such as long
and short moos. If, for instance, a cow
were in distress, she could comment:
moo moo moo MOOO MOOO MOOO moo moo moo.
Perhaps we could call it moorse code or something.
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