[extropy-chat] xmas humor again

[spike]

In the U.S. it is considered in poor taste to start Christmas sale ads
before Thanksgiving, so these tend to appear within approximately five
nanoseconds after the actual dishes are cleared.  Clearly the genetic
instructions for how to shop are found on that part of the X chromosome that
we boys lack.  On a scale of 1 to 10, we rank just below worm poop.  But I
had some breakthrough insights today from my feeble attempt to accomplish
some actual retail trade, which came from the realization that if one
rearranges the letters in "Xmas Sale" one can make the phrase "sex lamas."
This might at first be taken as mere coincidence or some reference to the
hairy beasts of South American Andes, but of course these are spelled with
two Ls (at least two).  Granted there are those who advocate this unnatural
practice, but the term lama actually has an entirely different meaning.  

First we must recognize that the Dalai Lama is a monk whose first name is
not actually Dalai, but rather it is more like a title, with a meaning
towards great ocean of wisdom or really-high-up humbler-than-thou monk.  So
then one can see that a lama is any one of those clean shaven Buddhist monks
who tend to hang out in Tibetan monasteries.  But the clean shaven part is
the real clue: the fact that they wear those loose robes with heads and
faces always shaven makes it difficult to distinguish the gender.  So the
insight is that many, if not most of the lamas are actually female.  Those
places where they supposedly sit around and ohmmmm all day are not
monasteries at all but rather bi-steries.  And you know what must be going
on there.  

But back to sales.  If you see that Xmas Sale sign, you now know what they
are really advertising.  Yup.  The retailers know that every December, herds
of guys show up at the shopping center having little more than a vague clue
of what we are supposed to be actually doing there other than wandering
about like lost sheep.  So the "Xmas sale" lends a bit of, shall we say,
comfort.  Notice that those electronics stores that advertise "laptops"
never actually say in the ads that they are referring to computers?  So now
you know.  

To take advantage of this "Xmas sale" (nudge wink), one must look around for
the cool hip-looking cat, likely in some expensive suit with lots of
bling-bling.  Furtively sidle up to him and give the pass-phrase.  If you do
not know what it is, use the universal-sounds-like-a-pass-phrase "the
aardvark is in the kayak."  If he flees in panic, that isn't the right guy.
Try the cat out front ringing a bell, for he often knows how to get the best
lamas.  So where do these lamas do their thing, you may well ask.  Surely
you been in a department store, and they were out of the item you wanted and
the sales-human says "hold on, I'll check in the back."  Evidently most of
the merchandise that is ever sold is located in this mysterious "back."  The
obvious questions come to mind: Why is there a back?  Why wouldn't they tear
down the wall between the back and the front, then just display everything
they actually have in stock?"  I'll tell you why: the back is also where
these lamas do their thing, that's why.  You wonder why people work at
Walmart, with all the mistreatment and low pay?  They work there for the sex
lamas, you can be sure, the ones that also serve the general public for that
one month a year.

spike