Spirits (was RE: [extropy-chat] Qualia Bet.)

[Emlyn]

On 01/12/05, Amara Graps <amara at amara.com> wrote:
> Emlyn emlynoregan at gmail.com :
> >As for alcohol, well I come from a family of alcohol dependants. My
> >mother, who took every drug that you can name, I'd reckon, with
> >extensive habits around anything addictive at one time or another
> >(including all the big ones), managed to kick everything except
> >alcohol. She died about almost 2 months ago, aged 55, of a hemorrhagic
> >stroke (doctors on the list will know the risk factors here, or google
> >it) after being warned for years to stop drinking or die.
>
>
> A family member who raised my sisters and I in the sixties from my age
> 6 to age 12 has a serious alcohol (and cigarette) dependency; I still
> wonder why her driving (swerving all over) the Honolulu freeways after
> one of her 5X per week drinking sprees didn't kill us. I am sure that my
> aversion to strong drinks (and cigarettes) stem from that time in my
> childhood. When I saw her again last October, ~thirty years after my
> last visit with her, I learned that her drinking didn't change. She
> had thirty years to solve the problem, (and thirty years of
> experiences showing it's terrible for her life) and she didn't solve
> it. I tried very hard to feel compassion and I did not succeed, I could
> only feel anger. I have no idea what feelings I will feel at the end
> of her (probably not too much longer) life.  I feel sympathy for your
> own situation Emlyn; I don't know if there is a resemblance to my own,
> but I think I can understand something. Take good care of yourself
> through this difficult time please.
>
> Amara

Thanks Amara, yes there is a great resemblance in your story, and it
seems you are in the same situation that I was for the last 6 or 7
years. Knowing that the person is not going to change, and waiting for
that phone call, basically. Even though it almost goes without saying
that I'm not much of a deathist, sometimes it's a relief.

The one upside to all this is that the pathos is incredible creative
fuel. I've written a blues requiem for her (actually for me, about
her), based on the latin mass, which I'm going to record in the new
year. It's called Requiem for Hopelessness, and you can't dance to it
:-)

--
Emlyn

http://emlynoregan.com   * blogs * music * software *
NaNoWriMo word count: 50000+! Winner! (http://nanowrimo.org)