[ExI] the ambiguously evil british have leaked julian assange's address

Jeff Davis jrd1415 at gmail.com
Thu Dec 16 22:06:54 UTC 2010

On Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 8:16 PM, spike <spike66 at att.net> wrote:

"Here's what I want from you guys: think carefully and hard, the way I
know you can.  Think of all the *unintended consequences* of Julian
Assanges work..."

I'm flippin' loving it!   David Brin's predictions of ten or so years
back are emerging into the mainstream, crackling with electric
excitement, even as we speak.    Where shall I start?

Irony, ya, huge promontories of it, sliding over the old paradigm
landscape like a Venezuelan mudslide.  The folks who just spent the
last ten years reading everyone else's mail, hiring corrupt lawyers to
manufacture legality out of whole cloth, wiping their backsides with
the Constitution, and saying they would do it no matter what the law
says.  These same folks are all tweaked and outraged now that we are
reading their mail.  Sweet, oh so sweet!

But here's the thing (or one of a multitude of things): IT"S NOT THEIR
MAIL.  It's our mail. This is why the protests about govt's need -- or
as those who conflate and compare it with and the individual's
"right" -- to privacy fail the logic test.

The Govt's business is the people's business.  The Govt does its thing
in the people's name and with the people picking up the fiscal, moral,
and geopolitical tab.  The state operates (not really, but it's sorta
supposed to) with" the consent of the governed", on behalf of the
governed. We are (supposed to be) citizens, not subjects.  We are
(supposed to be) the govt's bosses not the other way round.  So, in
fact, they not only have insisted on trashing our rights to privacy by
reading our private mail, but then they say we can't read our "public
mail", the record of what's being done in our name.

Not no more.  Thank you, Julian.  (And thank you Shockley, DARPA,
Billy G, et al).

In a different vein, consider the entertainment value.  We have
incredibly excellent heroes, deliciously malign villains, and --
blessed be those monkeys at their typewriters -- hot, endlessly
complicated sex.  Oh my!  I think I need some private time.

An excerpt from ""The Hand of God, the Gland of Man: The Trial of
Julian Assange",  Act 6, scene 23:

Attorney for the defense(AFTD) Ingrid Pornquist (played by Merril
Streep) continues:

So, Miss Arden...

Arden (played by Katherine Heigl): That's "Ms" Arden if you please...

AFTD:  Ms. Arden, on the night in question, following dinner,...How
was that by the way?  Did he pay, did you pay, was it Dutch?

Arden:  He paid, with cash, the security thing, you know.  I had the
scallops...yummy.. he had oyster cakes.  He's not a big eater.  He
would cut the cakes with his fork and lean over and give me a
bite...(she leaps to her feet, looks toward JA at the defense table,
who smiles and winks his support, and declares) I love you Julian!  I
never meant it to turn out this way. Please forgive me!

(The courtroom, packed with tall Swedish blondes of every gender
preference, explodes with shrieks -- "Stay away from him, you slyna,
he's mine!" -- and tumult )

Judge BIrgitta Prodsdottir (played by Queen Latifa): Order! (bangs her
gavel) Order in the court!  (courtroom quiets down)

Ms. Arden (in tears): ... just because he paid doesn't mean...

AFTD: Yes, yes, we're all feminists here.  Look at me.  I'm a grown up
attorney, and everything.  So he paid for dinner, but couldn't expect
to get lucky on that account.  All the same, you wasted no time in
jumping his bones, did you?

AFTP Loni Anderthaler(played by Sarah Palin, her hair dyed blonde) :
Objection!  Badgering the witness, your Honor.  I can see Russia from
here! (the courtroom is momentarily silent, puzzled.  Co-counsel
(played by a blonde Tina Fey) leans toward Palin and whispers in her
ear.)  I can see Finland from here!

 Judge Prodsdottir(somewhat disoriented):  Sustained.  Speed it up
will you, Ms. Pornquist, and please confine yourself to the
juicier,... strike that... to matters of relevance.

AFTD Pornquist:  Yes, your honor.  Of course, your honor.  (Turning
back to Arden).   So, you had a romantic dinner then?

Arden: Yes.

AFTD Pornquist: And afterwards a movie, yes?  "The Girl with the
Dragon Tattoo"?

Arden: Yes.

AFTD Pornquist: Was it a good movie?

Arden: Yes.

AFTD Pornquist:  A smart movie?

Arden: Avery smart movie?

AFTD Pornquist:  About a sexually abused young woman who teams up with
an investigative reporter to track down a serial rapist and murderer
of young women.   And in the climactic scene, the young woman pursues
and burns to death the raping murdering monster, yes?

Arden:  No, no, that's not right.  She doesn't kill him.

AFTD Pornquist: Oh, I apologize.  My mistake.  She merely pursues him
on her motorcycle at high speed until he crashes, yes?  Then she
stands by as he begs for help, severely injured, helpless in the
crashed vehicle, drenched in gasoline, until the inevitable happens,
fire erupts and he burns to death screaming, yes?  Just as a flashback
shows she did years earlier when she threw gasoline on the abuser of
her youth, and then a match to set him
 ablaze? Yes?  Isn't that the "chick flick" you took Julian Assange to
see/  A film about feminist revenge and murder?

Arden: Yes, yes, yes.  So what?

AFTD Pornquist: And during this movie about lethal flaming feminist
revenge, you sat in the back of the theater with Julian Assange and
had every kind of sex you could have without actually laying down on
the butter and cum- soiled floor?

(Massive disruption in the courtroom, everyone shouting, screaming,
shrieking, ranting, fainting. etc)

Judge Prodsdottir (rises, shouting, pounding gavel): Order!  Order!
Silence!  Bailiff!

AFTP Anderthaler(simultaneous with commotion, and as it tails off):
Objection objection objection, your honor.  This poor woman should not
be persecuted for her robust sexual expression or her talent for

Judge Prodsdottir: Objection overruled, Ms. Arden answer the question.

Arden:  Well, not EVERY kind.

(Crowd roars again, then fades out in giggles.  Judge raises gavel as
silence descends.)

 AFTD Pornquist: But was it good, and I suppose more to the point,
was it consensual?

Arden: Yes.  (A thoughtful pause)  It was consensual.

AFTD Pornquist: And...

Arden: It was consensual.

Julian Assange (dryly, with a slight smile): It was good for me.

Judge Prodsdottir: You're not helping your case, Mr Assange.  Counsel,
please keep you client under control.

AFTD Pornquist: Yes, your honor.  At this time I would like to submit
into evidence as exhibits P and Q this pair of culots worn by Ms Arden
on the August evening in question, and this forensics report which
shows, despite subsequent laundering, substantial traces remaining, on
both knees, of buttery-flavored vegetable oil staining.

(Momentary disruption of courtroom abruptly silenced by wicked stare
from "the bench")

Judge Prodsdottir: Counsel...

AFTD Pornquist: Your honor,... Now Ms. Arden.  After this sexual
preamble, which we take it warmed you up, but didn't ring your bell,
(suppressed chuckles from courtroom, stern look from bench), you and
Mr. Assange proceeded back to your apartment for the condom-equipped
main event, isn't that so?

Arden: Yes.

AFTD Pornquist: Let's skip over the lurid details (brief roar of
disapproval from the crowd) and cut to the chase, shall we?

Arden: Please.

AFTD Pornquist: Who supplied the condom?

Arden (hesitates, wary): I er, ...I don't remember.

AFTD Pornquist: You don't remember!!!  Well, perhaps this video from
the security camera at your premises, obtained and provided to us by
the whistle-blowing organization Sneakyleaks, will refresh your
memory.  Or perhaps this plethismo-cam video obtained from disgruntled
CIA operatives and transmitted to the defense through the
whistle-blowing organization Dickyleaks, will help you to recall.

Arden (stunned):  Yes, yes, I supplied the condom.  So what?  He's
Australian.  They surf; they wrestle crocodiles; they're real men.
They don't wear condoms, and they don't carry them around with them,
the pigs.  I wanted to bag him, so what? That's no crime.  He's tall,
heroic, over-the-top intelligent; every women on the planet wants him,
even the right-wing skanks who won't admit it.  They all want him.
But I'm the one who got him.  Me.  He's mine.  He loves me.  Not that
dipstick barbie wannabe Wilen.  (Rises, shouting at Assange)I love
you, Julian.  No one else loves you like I do.  If I can't have you no
one can.  I'm better than them.  (Breaks down sobbing.  Assange slides
down in his chair.  The courtroom is hushed.

AFTD Pornquist: Magnificent.  What a marvelous actress you are,
Anna,...if that is your real name.  But we both know it's a show don't

Arden (still sobbing):  I don't know what you mean,  I love him,
(trails off) I love him.

AFTD Pornquist: You supplied the condom.  And it broke.  How sad; how
tragic; how inconvenient!  Or maybe not.  What became of the condom in
question, Ms Arden?, if that is your name?

Arden (sobbing softly and unconvincingly):  Uh, I don't know, uh threw
it away, I don't know where it is. No one saves old condoms.  It's

AFTD Pornquist: Would you care to explain to me then this CIA report
-- Your honor, I'd like to submit this into evidence as exhibit R --
provided to us by the whistle-blowing organization Cheekyleaks,
documenting the cryogenic storage of a semen sample whose source is
listed as one Assange, Julian, with date of acquisition shown as the
day following your assignation with Mr. Assange?

Arden (confused disoriented):  I,...I,... don't understand.

AFTD Pornquist: No, Well perhaps you could explain this?  (holds up
small olive green packet, then as everyone watches tears open the
packet to reveal what appears to be...)  Looks like a standard Profil
condom, Sweden's most popular brand, doesn't it Ms Arden?  We found it
at your residence, along with the rest of your gear.  But this olive
green wrapper -- Profils don't usually come wrapped like this --
what's this all about?  Perhaps Ms. Arden, you'd like to read for the
court  what's on the wrapper.  (Hands wrapper to Arden.)

Arden (sits sullenly)

AFTD Pornquist: Okay then, allow me.  It says, "Ordnance, Sheath,
prophylactic, sexual, self-failing, timed, duration 180 secs
post-penetration, Mk 3 mod 1."  Code name" Onan's Surprise".  Then
there are a bunch of numbers, mil-spec identification number, contract
number, lot number, and a psy-ops command inventory identifier.

Time to give it up, Anna.  You're busted.


I could go one damn near forever, but you get the point, and I've
"wasted" most of the day working on this.

Best, Jeff Davis

 "During times of universal deceit, telling the
   truth becomes a revolutionary act."
                   George Orwell

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