[ExI] blue bug

Sat May 5 18:24:46 UTC 2018

Hey cool.  After I had already expended my post limit for the day going on about giant blue crustaceans, a moral dilemma presented itself.  I realized I faced a choice between saving America and making a buttload of money.  As I pondered that savage dilemma, I realized we could terrorize entire neighborhoods, make a buttload and still save America.  I could also conform to Clark’s Law, the recently-imposed requirement that all ExI-post threads eventually pivot to politics (sorta.)

Read on please.

One might suppose bugs can be bred upsize, but Armadillo bugs are probably limited (as are insects) by their ability to absorb oxygen.  Being crustaceans, pill bugs have gills!  Now is that cool or what?  But… that means they might not be able to be bred up to trilobite size, however… the proletariat don’t really know that.  So, here’s my plan.

We make one of those phony deep fake videos.    

First scene: (deep, stern voice) THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!  

Second scene: me in a full hazmat suit, blue rolly polly the size of a ping pong ball in my gloved hand, stroking it and making comments such as “…oh you are a beauty, my pet, you will make such great breeding stock, muaaaahahahahahaaaa…” etc.

Third scene:  overturned bucket with giant blue bugs running away, me commenting “Uh oh.  Waait!  Come back!”   

Fourth scene: former POTUS (whose name I cannot recall at the moment) standing next to current POTUS (whose name I cannot recall at the moment  (we could really make this work, if we recall that former guy who had that way of stretching a word (then saying the next several words really fast (and the current guy with his creative vocabulary)))):

Former:  If yoooooooou…SeeOneOfTheseBugs…I urge you tooooooooo…LeaveItAlone…

Current:  He is right on!  These things are yuuuuge-ass sons a bitches! Yuge!  But touching one will give you flesh-eating bacteria!  You will die BIGLY!

Former:  We think we caaaaaaaannnnnn… FindEveryOne.

Scene 5: This video is phony as a three dollar bill.  There are no yuge blue bugs, former and current didn’t say any of this.  But keep in mind that this kind of video can be made easily using LyreBird.  So don’t believe anything you see or hear on YouTube, anything you see or hear on mainstream cable news, even if you see yuge blue bugs in your neighborhood.

Scene 6:  (deep, stern voice) THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

This post might hit all the bases: it could call attention to a really cool critter, warn the public about the danger of DeepFake LyreBird video, make fun of former and current US leadership simultaneously, sell ad-space on YouTube making me a buttload, set the stage for a really epic gag, save American democracy, and even (sorta) conform to Clark’s Law for ExI threads.

spike

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