[ExI] Omnitheism (was: Re: Atheism)
ben at zaiboc.net
Mon Apr 20 16:47:49 UTC 2020
On 20/04/2020 10:57, Will Steinberg asked:
> What are y'all?
I have an atheistic world-view, which stems from being a materialist, so
I call myself an atheist. But I also call myself an 'Omnitheist', which
is not about religious _faith_, but about _membership_ of religions.
An Omnitheist claims membership of (although not belief in) ALL
religions, past, present, future, real and imaginary. As an Omnitheist I
can call myself a muslim, a zoroastrian, a sock-puppetarian, a
pastafarian, a mormon, a wiccan, etc., etc. Absolutely everything.
Anyone who wants to become an Omnitheist just needs to read, print out
and sign the following declaration, and voila, you are a fully-signed up
member of every single religion that does, did, will, could and couldn't
exist, with all the associated rights, privileges, obligations
(automatically deemed to have been satisfactorily met), the holidays,
and so-on. And this is perfectly compatible with atheism, you don't have
to believe a thing (if any religion /requires/ that you believe
something, that requirement is simply deemed to have been met):
By the reading and signing of this document, I the undersigned hereby
declare, affirm and otherwise state:
That I am henceforth a full member of every religion that exists, has
ever existed, will exist and could exist, as well as every religion that
cannot exist for whatever reason.
In the case where membership of any religion requires the performance of
a ritual, the utterance of a statement, or any other voluntary action,
that action is hereby deemed to have been taken.
In the case where membership of any religion requires the explicit
permission of an existing authority of that religion, a sect or splinter
group of that religion is deemed to have been created which does not
require such permission, and membership of such sect or splinter group
is hereby asserted, claimed, granted and confirmed.
In the case where membership of any religion requires specific or
general physical criteria to be met, such as bodily modifications,
possession of certain bodily forms, gender, age, weight, etc., or
pre-existing membership of some other group, such criteria are deemed to
have been met.
In the case where membership of any religion requires any other
conditions or circumstances, these are deemed to have been satisfied.
I hereby assume all the rights, responsibilities, duties and benefits
that membership of the above-mentioned religions confers, and deem and
certify that all such duties and obligations have been, are and will be
carried out in a satisfactory manner.
This by the power, assent and indulgence of all the gods, demigods,
devils, demons, elemental powers, spirits, sprites, ghosts, any other
supernatural or imaginary beings and abstract concepts, past present and
future, eternal and transient, real and imaginary, of my own free will,
in solemnity and absurdity, in mockery and in reverence, permanently and
irrevocably, unless and until I change my mind.
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