[ExI] third option

Thu Jul 28 20:41:55 UTC 2022

Some time ago I posted a comment about cryonics, specifically the neuro version most of us consider far more practical and cost effective than a full body cryo, and even more practical in a way than a standard grave and stone burial.

OK, so… Alcor replaces the blood with an oxygenated cryo-fluid that doesn’t cause massive tissue damage from expanding during crystallization.  The cryonaut’s temperature is lowered, then Alcor removes the head (etc) but think about it: that’s messy and requires a surgeon or mortician perhaps.

But what if… they just kept right on going down the mercury until the late wretch is completely liquid nitrogen temperature.  Now… now alls ya needs is a tree surgeon, cheaper than the medical-school guy, or hell I could take it from there, chain saw, bzzzt, Here ya go Max, he does his thing with your head, now I have this frozen lump of tissue to dispose of, and the options are expensive, including cremation and you know the funeral homes will charge more for frozen neck-down cases because it would require a loooot more fuel than the ones which start out at room temperatur.

No worries, I have an idea.  Years ago, I offered that holey rolling basket idea, under the theory that the liquid nitrogen frozen bod would fracture as it was rolled like a big dryer and the small bits would fall thru the holes and they could be collected in a basket and scattered about with a fertilizer spreader where they would thaw, then ants would devour the bits of meat and all that carbon goes immediately into a second life in a sense, jillions of them.

OK sure, this is a dark subject, but hey, we discuss cryonics here and robots attacking young commie chess players and those aren’t exactly the most cheerful of topics, ja?

The holey roller notion has a problem: there are many different types of tissue that may not fracture at those temperatures and so even after an extended holey roll, there might still be a hunk of disgusting gak and a coupla dang eyeballs in there which nobody wants to go in to fetch (well, imagine that) and even if someone does, OK now what?  Toss it down the kitchen sink disposal?  Line up the eyeballs out front as Halloween decorations?

Better idea: Replace blood, drop temperature, keep going to LN2, chain saw, here ya go Max, hurl the still frozen neck-down remains into a wood chipper with the output aimed over an open field where we keep our carnivorous ants.  

Still better alternative: create a more capable two-stage device which uses the counter-rotating blades principle of a wood chipper, with a first stage a standard wood chipper, but a second stage with finer tooth blades, which reduces your ass to ant-bite-sized portions.

That has its advantages when you think about it: no cremation costs, no gravesite costs, you get recycled immediately, you even get to fight ants in a way (if you don’t like them (I do but if you don’t, no worries)) because the ants devour, their populations goes Malthusian, they live high on your ass for a few months, then the little pinchmeisters STARVE!  Heh, that’ll fix em, ja?

OK, I have posted twice today, about disappointed young couples who view porno videos, then move right on over to hurling frozen human remains into a wood chipper.  Sheesh, I am a grim bastard this day.

spike

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