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<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>I ordinarily don't forward such things to this
list, but it's time for a little levity. Also, this will delight all of
you persnickity (or is it "pernickity"?) wordsmiths. Ta ta,
Olga</FONT></DIV>
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<DIV><BR></DIV>MATH<BR><BR><BR>At New York's Kennedy Airport the other day, an
individual later<BR>discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying
to board a<BR>flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare,
a<BR>slide rule, and a calculator.<BR><BR>At a morning press conference,
Attorney general John Ashcroft said he<BR>believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-gebra movement. He is<BR>being charged by the FBI with carrying
weapons of math instruction.<BR><BR>"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft
said. "They desire average<BR>solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go
off on tangents in a<BR>search of absolute value. They use secret code names
like "x"and "y"<BR>and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined
they<BR>belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates<BR>in every country.<BR><BR>"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, there are 3 sides to<BR>every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked
to comment on the<BR>arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have
better<BR>weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and<BR>toes.<BR><BR>"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that
it is<BR>intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing
to<BR>disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love
to<BR>inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President
said,<BR>adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their
root,<BR>make our point,and draw the line."<BR><BR>President Bush warned, "These
weapons of math instruction have the<BR>potential to decimal everything in their
math on a scalene never before<BR>seen unless we become exponents of a Higher
Power and begin to<BR>factor-in random facts of vertex."<BR><BR>Attorney General
Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my<BR>ellipse. Here is one
principle he is uncertainty of: though they<BR>continue to multiply, their days
are numbered as the hypotenuse<BR>tightens around their necks."<BR><BR><BR><BR><?/color><?/fontfamily>
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