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<DIV><FONT face="Courier New" size=2><FONT face="Lucida Console">Washington
D.C., April 12, 2024 (El Independiete) -- Today the U.S. Department of
Plenty issued regulations stipulating that all toilet-paper dispensing
machines are to be surrendered to your nearest recycling facility within one
week. Gone will be the standard three single-ply paper squares and
the six-minute wait between emissions designed to thwart
eco-criminals. In a new effort to further save trees and preserve the
environment, new saniWipe towels are now manditory in all homes and
businesses.</FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Lucida Console" size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Lucida Console" size=2>Saniwipes send information
to your city or county Department of Health if the mandated
daily washing of the cloth-like asstowel in your recyclable water system
does not occur, provided, of course that someone in your household or
business has actually used toilet facilities during a particular 24 hour period,
(this information also being collected by the Department of Health and Human
Services to ensure compliance with basic hygiene...</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Lucida Console" size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Lucida Console" size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV>We may be glad that it's not really 2024 yet, and that although the
government does mandate the rate of flow in your showerheads----wait! Did
you know that? Did you know that by Federal Regulations it is illegal to
sell or trade in showerheads that use more than 2.5 gallons per minute?
Did you know that I myself could be in *big* trouble for suggesting
ways that many simpler showerheads can be modified to overcome this particular
environmentally friendly form of self-denial/self-flagellation? Of course,
I would never do that, it being strictly against the law, and---as I've said
repeatedly---rule of law is the foundation of all our progress (and, given the
upcoming Singularity, probably essential to our survival).</DIV>
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<DIV>I sometimes use razor blades on days following a long recluse, and whenever
I do I thank goodness that it's 2008 and not Orwell's 1984 and that the Ministry
of Plenty doesn't really exist yet. Winston Smith, in an interesting
parallel to today's environment conscious consumer, was compelled to use
very inferior quality razor blades for longer and longer periods of time, even
as small cuts and abrasions appeared each day on his face in greater
numbers. </DIV>
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<DIV>But Winston Smith loved Big Brother, or rather he did just as
soon as his minor psychiatric issues were adjusted. He knew that from
year to year razor blades were becoming of lower and lower quality, but he
really wasn't aware, unlike you, the reader of 1984, just
how pitifully bad his razor blades had become---because over time
people simply adjust to anything. Just as you have in all likelihood (since
1994 when the law went into effect) adjusted to the picayune amount of
water your showerhead dispenses. </DIV>
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<DIV>I know people who love obeying environmental friendly laws, and who go out
of their way, even to pathological extents, to comply in ways not even
yet regulated. One woman acquaintance of mine insists not only that
everyone in the household recycle all plastic bottles, but that they all be
*washed* before being left for the recyclers. If you try pointing out
to her that the recycling machinery washes the containers anyway, and as
new plastic items are manufactured the plastic undergoes chemical cleansing
processes, a look of actual pain crosses her features. She *likes* washing
them because of the warm fuzzies it gives her knowing that her
self-denial is a form of conscientiousness in the service of
Mother Earth.</DIV>
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<DIV>Lee</DIV></BODY></HTML>