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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif"'>>…</span></b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif"'> <b>On Behalf Of </b>Stephen Van Sickle<br><b>Subject:</b> Re: [ExI] 23andme again<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:#1F497D'>>…</span>Spike:<span style='color:#1F497D'> K</span>eep in mind that biodad might not even know he has a kid out there. If he is the rakish lady-killer sort, might not even remember biomom. <span style='color:#1F497D'>…</span>--steve vs <span style='color:#1F497D'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>Ja. That is one of a number of possible bad outcomes here. The bio-father could be a rapist. He might be the local Episcopalian minister, a group which takes a dim view of such activities. He could be a drug-addled ex-con. I know the guy’s snail mail @, so I could easily punch it in to Google maps and Zillow, look at his house and his neighborhood, to easily find out to a first order approximation what kind of life he is having, but I did not and will not. He and his children are my third cousins, but until they contact me, I consider that whole episode past and they are off limits for now.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>So I had this guy’s address and phone number, so I had the option of contacting him first. But I specifically chose to not do that; rather to give the links but not the specific info to his bio-daughter. She needs to deliberately carry out a series of steps to get the contact now, easy steps but not ones you would do accidentally. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>In this, I take the lead from the very well-done 23andMe: that test indicates if you are at risk for early Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s but both of those indicators are specifically locked. In order to see them, you must read an explanation for what you are seeing, then you go to the bottom and click that you know what you are asking and you agree to it. You cannot accidentally find out on those two items, for there is some justification in some minds for intentionally not knowing that information.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>Similarly, I left it so the young lady in question can fairly easily dig out the info, even if she is only average intelligence and 1 sigma below average in internet skills, without asking help from anyone else. She has indicated that both her mother and step-father become very annoyed at any questions regarding her bio-ancestry. It sounds to me like she even found out the name accidentally.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>So I am close to where I started: I see plenty of ways this can all turn out badly. Do I feel good about what I did? No. I feel less bad about it than if I had done anything else. A long-past ambiguously tragic event has been digitally resurrected. It was perhaps tragic in some lives, but one would argue that without that event, this young lady would never have lived, so it is a miracle from her point of view. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>Regarding the long buried circumstances of her birth, I dug some of the soil off that grave, 23andMe dug some, Ancestry dot com, Facebook, Spokeo all dug soil off of that long-dead and buried event. Now it is up to her alone to decide to open that coffin. I will not encourage or discourage her in any way. I fear the odds of a happy ending are less than even, but I decided I have no right to make that decision, it is not mine to make; that is her right to make that call. Good luck, my distant cousin, good luck and my very best wishes to you and your family. I am with you pal, regardless of what you decide to do, and regardless of what line of reasoning, or lack thereof, employed by you to arrive at that decision. I am your cheerleader, not your coach.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>I marvel at how dramatically things have changed just in the past decade. In 1989 and 1990, I invested several hundred hours doing genealogy the old fashioned way. Back then there was a skillset. Good researchers could master them. Now it doesn’t take much, either in talent or in time. 23andMe supplies a pile of clues, along with solid genetic evidence, that can confirm suspicions or invalidate huge amounts of research, for a hundred dollars. It is the great digital resurrection.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>spike<o:p></o:p></span></p><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></div></body></html>