<div dir="ltr"><div class="gmail_extra"><div class="gmail_quote">I rapidly lost interest while reading these, but I'll give you at least brief<br>comments:<br></div><div class="gmail_quote"><br>On Wed, Jun 26, 2013 at 7:09 PM, Alan Grimes <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:ALONZOTG@verizon.net" target="_blank">ALONZOTG@verizon.net</a>></span> wrote:<br>
<blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0 0 0 .8ex;border-left:1px #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex"><a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d9wiR52hpkGnn3A3tqQqBP43lmflR_pXkj2IITa4olA/edit?usp=sharing" target="_blank">https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d9wiR52hpkGnn3A3tqQqBP43lmflR_pXkj2IITa4olA/edit?usp=sharing</a><br>
</blockquote><div> <br></div><div>Gets quite a bit rambly after the first page.  You may wish to use<br></div><div>shorter paragraphs, and spend time developing the non-narrator<br>characters.<br><br>Worse, though you probably didn't intend it, the amount of control<br>
the narrator apparently has over everyone else makes them into<br>playthings - extension of his whims.  That makes them flat and<br>uninteresting in their own right, and calls into question why he is<br></div><div>letting them get away with stuff.  (You probably meant to convey<br>
that they are their own people a lot more, but it didn't come across<br></div><div>in a quick reading.)<br></div><div><br></div><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0 0 0 .8ex;border-left:1px #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex">

<a href="http://www.infowars.com/transhumanism-debunked-why-drinking-the-kurzweil-kool-aid-will-only-make-you-dead-not-immortal/" target="_blank">http://www.infowars.com/transhumanism-debunked-why-drinking-the-kurzweil-kool-aid-will-only-make-you-dead-not-immortal/</a><span class="HOEnZb"><font color="#888888"><br>
</font></span></blockquote><br></div><div class="gmail_quote">This dead horse again.  "A copy of you can never be 'you' in the<br>quintessential unreplicatable sense, even if the original substrate<br>no longer exists."  That's got the same truth value as the claims<br>
that test tube babies are soulless unpeople, just like blacks and<br>women and Indians...<br></div></div></div>