<div dir="ltr"><div class="gmail_extra"><div class="gmail_quote">On Sun, Sep 20, 2015 at 10:56 PM, Adrian Tymes <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:atymes@gmail.com" target="_blank">atymes@gmail.com</a>></span> wrote:<br><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left:1px solid rgb(204,204,204);padding-left:1ex"><div dir="ltr"><span class="">On Sat, Sep 19, 2015 at 2:35 PM, Ben <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:bbenzai@yahoo.com" target="_blank">bbenzai@yahoo.com</a>></span> wrote:<br></span><div class="gmail_extra"><div class="gmail_quote"><span class=""><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left:1px solid rgb(204,204,204);padding-left:1ex">
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Adrian wrote:<br>
<blockquote>> even adults, but definitely children, might
appreciate certain forms<br>
> of art more if they have at least dabbled in the rudiments of
the craft,<br>
> rather than leaving the whole thing as a black box to them.<br>
</blockquote>
<br>
Well, that doesn't seem to work for me. At least not with
literature. I've written short stories of my own, here's one:<br>
<br>
Last night, I woke up in the small hours. There was a fly buzzing
at the window. When I went to let it out, a cat in the street
looked up at me.<br>
<br>
That's what short stories are like. I see no difference (apart from
length) between that and the Hemingway one that Spike posted. What
do people see in them? I have no idea.<br></div></blockquote><div><br></div></span><div> TBH, I too saw that particular story as somewhat boring and bland, a bad example of what stories can be and why they appeal. Perhaps the biggest problem that stood out to me: too many lines that were all-dialogue, not indicating what was happening in the scene (or at least giving reminders who was speaking).<br><br></div><div>I've written quite a few stories over the years - some just for fun, some for sharing. <a href="http://www.fanworks.org/view.php?storyid=373" target="_blank">http://www.fanworks.org/view.php?storyid=373</a> is technically a fan work, but I think you'll be able to understand most of it without knowing the series it's based off of. (Warning: it does get a bit dark, but I'm trying for something that's an obvious contrast with that Hemingway story. Even if you can't quite describe what's different, hopefully you should at least be able to tell that something is indeed substantially different, other than just the length.)<br></div></div></div></div>
</blockquote></div><br></div><div class="gmail_extra">Actually, thinking about it, here's a better example - non-fanwork, so it stands completely on its own (other than being part of a larger story; this is just a snippet after the two main characters have been introduced):<br><br>---<br><br>The arc over the mall's exit glittered with an inner fire, produced by the countless microbots that comprised it. Words scrolled across its surface as if drifting on a sea of liquid metal. Currently it read, "How you use your gear makes you Cool, not just having the gear. Use it awesomely!"<br><br>Tom rolled his eyes as he walked out. "Sometimes I think they try too hard."<br><br>Sylvia, latched on his arm, giggled. "I think it's cute. So, did you find what you wanted?"<br><br>Tom nodded, fishing in his pocket for a box. "Yeah. I'm still surprised, though. I mean, they had artificial diamond before the Plague, but..."<br><br>Smiling, Sylvia interrupted. "...not in this quantity. Any basic material – any non-radioactive element, most crystals – we can make cheap. What did you get, anyway?"<br><br>Tom pulled out a ring of pure, perfect diamond. It caught a reflection from the arc and glittered.<br><br>Sylvia's eyes widened. "Pretty. What's it for?"<br><br>"It's to help me with a space pirate. She stole something precious."<br><br>Sylvia let go. "What?" She looked around, then whispered, "You should have told me! I could ask the local boss, we could get a bounty set up, and...what'd she steal, anyway?" The catgirl looked at Tom, only to see he was no longer at eye level.<br><br>He was kneeling, cupping the ring in both hands and presenting it to Sylvia. "My heart."<br></div></div>