[Paleopsych] Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby

[Steve Hovland]

One day Brer Fox thought of how Brer Rabbit had been cutting up his capers 
and bouncing around until he'd come to believe that he was the boss of the 
whole gang. Brer Fox thought of a way to lay some bait for that uppity Brer 
Rabbit.
He went to work and got some tar and mixed it with some turpentine. He 
fixed up a contraption that he called a Tar-Baby. When he finished making 
her, he put a straw hat on her head and sat the little thing in the middle 
of the road. Brer Fox, he lay off in the bushes to see what would happen.
Well, he didn't have to wait long either, 'cause by and by Brer Rabbit came 
pacing down the road--lippity-clippity, clippity-lippity--just as sassy as 
a jaybird. Brer Fox, he lay low. Brer Rabbit came prancing along until he 
saw the Tar-Baby and then he sat back on his hind legs like he was 
astonished. The Tar-Baby just sat there, she did, and Brer Fox, he lay low. 
"Good morning!" says Brer Rabbit, says he. "Nice weather we're having this 
morning," says he.
Tar-Baby didn't say a word, and Brer Fox, he lay low.
"How are you feeling this morning?" says Brer Rabbit, says he.
Brer Fox, he winked his eye real slow and lay low and the Tar-Baby didn't 
say a thing.
"What is the matter with you then? Are you deaf?" says Brer Rabbit, says 
he. "Cause if you are, I can holler louder," says he.
The Tar-Baby stayed still and Brer Fox, he lay low.
"You're stuck-up, that's what's wrong with you. You think you're too good 
to talk to me," says Brer Rabbit, says he. "And I'm going to cure you, 
that's what I'm going to do," says he.
Brer Fox started to chuckle in his stomach, he did, but Tar-Baby didn't say 
a word.
"I'm going to teach you how to talk to respectable folks if it's my last 
act," says Brer Rabbit, says he. "If you don't take off that hat and say 
howdy, I'm going to bust you wide open," says he.
Tar-Baby stayed still and Brer Fox, he lay low.
Brer Rabbit kept on asking her why she wouldn't talk and the Tar-Baby kept 
on saying nothing until Brer Rabbit finally drew back his fist, he did, and 
blip--he hit the Tar-Baby on the jaw. But his fist stuck and he couldn't 
pull it loose. The tar held him. But Tar-Baby, she stayed still, and Brer 
Fox, he lay low.
"If you don't let me loose, I'm going to hit you again," says Brer Rabbit, 
says he, and with that he drew back his other fist and blap--he hit the 
Tar-Baby with the other hand and that one stuck fast too.
Tar-Baby she stayed still, and Brer Fox, he lay low.
"Turn me loose, before I kick the natural stuffing out of you," says Brer 
Rabbit, says he, but the Tar-Baby just sat there.
She just held on and then Brer Rabbit jumped her with both his feet. Brer 
Fox, he lay low. Then Brer Rabbit yelled out that if that Tar-Baby didn't 
turn him loose, he was going to butt her crank-sided. Then he butted her 
and his head got stuck.
Brer Box walked out from behind the bushes and strolled over to Brer 
Rabbit, looking as innocent as a mockingbird.
"Howdy, Brer Rabbit," says Brer Fox, says he. "You look sort of stuck up 
this morning," says he. And he rolled on the ground and laughed and laughed 
until he couldn't laugh anymore.
By and by he said, "Well, I expect I got you this time, Brer Rabbit," says 
he. "Maybe I don't, but I expect I do. You've been around here sassing 
after me a mighty long time, but now it's the end.
And then you're always getting into something that's none of your 
business," says Brer Fox, says he. "Who asked you to come and strike up a 
conversation with this Tar-Baby? And who stuck you up the way you are? 
Nobody in the round world. You just jammed yourself into that Tar-Baby 
without waiting for an invitation," says Brer Fox, says he. "There you are 
and there you'll stay until I fix up a brushpile and fire it up, "cause I'm 
going to barbecue you today, for sure," says Brer Fox, says he.
Then Brer Rabbit started talking mighty humble.
"I don't care what you do with me, Brer Fox, says he, "Just so you don't 
fling me in that briar patch. Roast me, Brer Fox, says he, "But don't fling 
me in that briar patch."
"It's so much trouble to kindle a fire," says Brer Fox, says he, "that I 
expect I'd better hang you," says he.
"Hang me just as high as you please, Brer Fox, says Brer Rabbit, says he, 
"but for the Lord's sake, don't fling me in that briar patch," says he.
"I don't have any string, " says Brer Fox, says he, "Now I expect I had 
better drown you, " says he.
"Drown me just as deep as you please, Brer Fox," says Brer Rabbit, says he, 
"But please do not fling me in that briar patch, " says he.
"There's no water near here," says Brer Fox, says he, "And now I reckon I'd 
better skin you," says he.
"Skin me Brer Fox," says he. "Snatch out my eyeballs, tear out my ears by 
the roots," says he, "But please, Brer Fox, don't fling me in that briar 
patch, " says he.
Of course, Brer Fox wanted to get Brer Rabbit as bad as he could, so he 
caught him by the behind legs and slung him right in the middle of the 
briar patch. There was a considerable flutter when Brer Rabbit struck the 
bushes, and Brer Fox hung around to see what was going to happen.
By and by he heard someone call his name and 'way up on the hill he saw 
Brer Rabbit sitting cross-legged on a chinquapin log combing the tar pitch 
out of his hair with a chip. Then Brer Fox knew he had been tricked.
Brer Rabbit hollered out, "Born and bred in the briar patch. I was born and 
bred in the briar patch!" And with that he skipped out just as lively as a 
cricket in the embers of a fire.