[Paleopsych] Stephen Wright: Witticisms
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Tue Apr 12 19:52:54 UTC 2005
1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
8- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
9- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
10- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
11- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
12- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
13- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
14- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
17- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
18- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
19- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
20- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made
your horn louder."
23- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
25- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
26- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
27- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
28- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
29- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
30- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
31- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to
be on it.
32- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
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