[Paleopsych] Stephen Wright: Witticisms

[Premise Checker]

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

7- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

8- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

9- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.

10- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

11- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

12- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

13- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.

14- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

15- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be  lazy.

17- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

18- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

19- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

20- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

21- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made
your horn louder."

23- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.

25- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

26- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.

27- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.

28- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
is research.

29- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

30- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

31- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to
be on it.

32- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!