[Paleopsych] marriage pool shrinking?

Michael Christopher anonymous_animus at yahoo.com
Tue Jun 14 18:29:44 UTC 2005

Gerry says:
>>I know way too many females post 30 who cannot find
any likely prospects.  Then again, there are many post
30 males who don't wish to enter the marriage 
scene.  I think the problem is greater than "no one
available".  Maybe an examination of the "why" might
enlighten the question.<<

--Possibly because everyone has "issues" that
contaminate relationships. Fundamentalists and very
sensitive/shy people try to solve that problem by
being very selective and not getting heavily involved
until they are certain they've found the person they
want. Others have sexual relationships that don't
involve enough emotion to risk rejection or loss of
face. Others get married early, discover that marriage
isn't what they expected it to be, and leave when they
can no longer handle the obligations and routines. In
poor areas, many women find they have better earning
potential than the men, and reject marriage because
they can afford to. The perception that "all men are
dogs" or that "all women are whores who want your
money" can make a mess of things as well, with many
people exhibiting "borderline" traits in relationships
(swinging from "you are my god/goddess" to "you ruined
my life", grandiosity and dashed expectations, etc).
After a few rounds of that, a lot of people decide
it's just safer and less draining to have less complex

There are two ways to address that: either improve
communication between the sexes and give them tools
for preventing catastrophic rifts in relationships, or
create a sense of being a tribe, with romantic
relationships on a lower priority level. If a single
relationship means everything, it's easier to get
disillusioned when minor obstacles accumulate, and
it's easier to explode in rage if you feel betrayed.
Romantic triangles dramatically affect people's sense
of status and belonging, and creating a sense of a
tribal safety net might even things out and make
relationships less volatile. 

I'm not sure how fear of nuclear war and terrorism
will affect marriage patterns... will people marry as
soon as they feel safe (maybe feeling restless later
when less afraid) or will they avoid marriage in order
to avoid the pain of loss?


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