[extropy-chat] Fwd: [Fwd: Federal Government Aiming to Ban Prime Numbers]

Mike Lorrey mlorrey at yahoo.com
Thu Oct 6 21:34:27 UTC 2005

--- Neil Evangelista <neil at evangelista.org> wrote:
As amathematician, I thought you'd find this amusing...

-------- Original Message --------            
Subject:  Federal Government Aiming to Ban Prime Numbers             
Date:       Thu, 06 Oct 2005 17:18:31 -0400              
From:       jsb17 at cornell.edu              
To:       Neil Evangelista neil at evangelista.org>,oneidea2112 at yahoo.com 

Today a representative from the United States Ministry of Freedom
Announced that the Senate is drafting a bill to ban Prime Numbers.  The
Bill is called "The Innumeracy & Unpatriotic Calculations Act", and
will be an extension of the Patriot Act.  "Innumeracy" is a new word
meaning 'unpatriotic Math'.  Prime Numbers are only equally divisible
by 1 and the number itself.  This unique property, along with the
difficulty of factoring large numbers is what allows for all Internet
and electronic cryptography. The government's justification for the ban
on Prime Numbers is that terrorists could use cryptography to send
secret messages to each other, and these secret messages could threaten
American's freedom.  Bush was quoted as saying, "In Kindergarten, kids
used to pass secret messages to each other when the teacher wasn't
looking.  It wasn't fair then, and it isn't fair now".  Although Bush
was once convicted for drunk driving, he has never passed secret notes
in class. If the bill passes, any reference to or mention of Prime
Numbers will be classified as 'unpatriotic' and the perpetrator could
face jail time for multiple offenses.  Because the offense will be
considered treason, the offenders will be tried in secret courts
without lawyers.  Children as young as 5 could be convicted, and their
parents do not need to be notified of their arrest. But edumacators are
worried the Prime Number Ban will cause confusion in classrooms across
the American Fatherland.  Students will have to learn to count
according to a new number system: 1,4,6,8,9,10,12,14,15,16,18,20... and
so on.  The main sponsors of the bill argue, "It's not enough for
American's not to use cryptography, we must use a number system where
it is altogether impossible for someone to even commit a crime of
Innumeracy". A provision in the Bill will establish a new Department of
Patriotic Logic to re-write the math textbooks to conform to the new
numbering system.  Bush said, "It's imperative that we be thinking of
freedom at all times.  That is why we must keep our calculations
patriotic."  Since there is no more space in Washington DC to build any
more government buildings, the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts
will be converted into the Department of Patriotic Logic.  White House
Spokesperson Scott McLellan was quoted as saying, "That way, we can
take down all those unpatriotic flags that desecrate the Kennedy Center
Halls.  "We'll murder two birds by casting the first stone."  When a
reporter pointed out that he just referred to 'two' birds, which is a
prime number, Scott pointed out that the bill has not yet passed, but
that government would be exempt from the new laws, in order to safely
and securely secure America's Security. Some psychologists are worried
that Bush's complete and utter incessant obsession with "Freedom" is a
psychotic projection to cover up his Fascist plan to regiment America. 
Bush called these 'unpatriotic rantings of freedom-hating unamericans",
and dismissed the assertions as "willy-nillyism". If Prime Numbers are
altogether banned, Bush will be forced to stay in office for at least 4
years. -Associated Repress-- 

Mike Lorrey
Vice-Chair, 2nd District, Libertarian Party of NH
Founder, Constitution Park Foundation:
Personal/political blog: http://intlib.blogspot.com

Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 

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