[extropy-chat] A columnist in a universe far, far away

[paul illich]

Taking off from Hawking-land, more media lampooning of Lifeboat Ethic Earth...

Paul
 

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/living/articles/2006/07/17/a_columnist_in_a_universe_far_far_away/

A columnist in a universe far, far away
By Alex Beam, Globe Columnist  |  July 17, 2006

``[This] view of the universe also holds that in some remote regions there are planets exactly
like our Earth, with continents of the same outline and terrain, inhabited by identical creatures,
some of them holding copies of this magazine in their hands."

``Beyond the Big Bang," by Alex Vilenkin, physics professor and director of the Tufts University
Institute of Cosmology, writing in the current issue of Natural History magazine


O-REGION GOOGOLPLEX 2689; THE PLANET KNOWN AS SC&TAR# -- Newspaper columnist Alex Beam was pacing
his office, facing another deadline. He had counted them: about 1,300 to date. Surely no other
writer in the universe had ever faced these kinds of pressures.

Sc&tar#, as usual, was in turmoil. Depending on who was counting, at least three hot wars were
raging on the planet, with another two or three simmering ominously on the back burner. Sc&tar#'s
great religions were tearing out one another's throats. The poor had been reduced to hapless
servitude; the rich were languishing at their seaside vacation homes.

Beam's native city of Boston was falling apart. Vital infrastructure was crumbling before his
eyes. No one accepted blame, no one took responsibility. That was the Sc&tar#ian way. The man with
the perfectly aligned teeth and the enviable wet - look haircut had stepped forward and promised
to fix things. At least it would keep his name in the newspapers until he skipped town.

Sc&tar# was an ecological nightmare. Beam had seen the movie; the planet was cooked. On the plus
side, his home in the western suburbs would soon have beachfront. Even better news: A National
Science Foundation study reported that New England would become the nation's primary wine-growing
region by 2099. And who doesn't like New Hampshire cabernets?

The geniuses on Sc&tar# were talking about abandoning ship. Stephen Hawking, who was so smart that
no one could understand a word he wrote, was advocating space colonization. Having read Russian
astrophysicist Nicolai Kardashev's provocative 1964 paper in Soviet Astronomy, Beam was well aware
that unless Sc&tar# became a Type 1 civilization, dependent only on the sun for energy, the planet
was doomed.

The crackpot -- sorry, forward-thinking -- Lifeboat Foundation was already talking about building
arks to ferry the population into space. Each one would hover about 250 miles above Sc&tar# and
provide accommodations for 1,000 people. Sounds like seating could be tight. Beam had once written
favorably about foundation board member Ray Kurzweil and his odd, millenarian ramblings. Maybe he
could come up with a ticket.

Getting aboard would be one thing, getting by would be another. For recreation, the ark people
envisioned weightless ``astrobatics" and a game called Space Polo, where two teams compete in a
three- dimensional game of micro-gravity polo, pushing off each other and walls. Well, OK, Beam
thought. But what about squash, or racquetball?

In his office, Beam worked in 45-minute bursts and might play a game of computer solitaire or pick
up a magazine for distraction. On the floor, where he kept only his most essential research
materials, he found a copy of Natural History magazine, a.k.a. Scientific American for dummies.
Hmm, Beam thought. Here is an interesting article, by a university professor promoting his book,
``Many Worlds in One: The Search for Other Universes."

``Yes, dear reader," Beam read, ``scores of your duplicates are now reading copies of this
article. They live on planets exactly like [ours], with all its mountains, cities, trees and
butterflies."

Can it really be, Beam mused? Somewhere out in the cosmos, could there be another man with
thinning hair and a taste for Negro Modelo beer, struggling to write a newspaper column? Naaah.
Too outlandish. He went back to playing Sc&tar#ian solitaire, figuring he could always write about
the collapse of the Boston Red Sox or of the Zakim Bunker Hill Bridge. Whichever came first.

A different Alex Beam is a Globe columnist on planet Earth. His e-dress is beam at globe.com.  



"One fundamental goal of any well-crafted indoctrination 
program is to direct attention elsewhere, away from 
effective power, its roots, and the disguises it assumes." 
Chomsky, 'Deterring Democracy', 1992

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