[ExI] 23andme again

[Michael LaTorra]

Spike,
It seems to me that you made the "right" (i.e., least wrong) decision in
this matter. You supplied the tools/links/directional knowledge. It's up to
your new-found relative what to do with them.

I have to say, speaking as a mere spectator (someone with no skin in the
game) that I'm curious about what she'll do and how it all will turn out.
But I don't believe there are high odds that I'll ever find out!

Best,
Mike
On Jun 26, 2013 1:43 PM, "spike" <spike at rainier66.com> wrote:

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> *>…* *On Behalf Of *Stephen Van Sickle
> *Subject:* Re: [ExI] 23andme again****
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> >…Spike: Keep in mind that biodad might not even know he has a kid out
> there.  If he is the rakish lady-killer sort, might not even remember
> biomom.  …--steve vs ****
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> Ja.  That is one of a number of possible bad outcomes here.  The
> bio-father could be a rapist.  He might be the local Episcopalian minister,
> a group which takes a dim view of such activities.  He could be a
> drug-addled ex-con.  I know the guy’s snail mail @, so I could easily punch
> it in to Google maps and Zillow, look at his house and his neighborhood, to
> easily find out to a first order approximation what kind of life he is
> having, but I did not and will not.  He and his children are my third
> cousins, but until they contact me, I consider that whole episode past and
> they are off limits for now.****
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> So I had this guy’s address and phone number, so I had the option of
> contacting him first.  But I specifically chose to not do that; rather to
> give the links but not the specific info to his bio-daughter.  She needs to
> deliberately carry out a series of steps to get the contact now, easy steps
> but not ones you would do accidentally.  ****
>
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> In this, I take the lead from the very well-done 23andMe: that test
> indicates if you are at risk for early Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s but both
> of those indicators are specifically locked.  In order to see them, you
> must read an explanation for what you are seeing, then you go to the bottom
> and click that you know what you are asking and you agree to it.  You
> cannot accidentally find out on those two items, for there is some
> justification in some minds for intentionally not knowing that information.
> ****
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> Similarly, I left it so the young lady in question can fairly easily dig
> out the info, even if she is only average intelligence and 1 sigma below
> average in internet skills, without asking help from anyone else.  She has
> indicated that both her mother and step-father become very annoyed at any
> questions regarding her bio-ancestry.  It sounds to me like she even found
> out the name accidentally.****
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> So I am close to where I started: I see plenty of ways this can all turn
> out badly.  Do I feel good about what I did?  No.  I feel less bad about it
> than if I had done anything else.  A long-past ambiguously tragic event has
> been digitally resurrected.  It was perhaps tragic in some lives, but one
> would argue that without that event, this young lady would never have
> lived, so it is a miracle from her point of view.  ****
>
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> Regarding the long buried circumstances of her birth, I dug some of the
> soil off that grave, 23andMe dug some, Ancestry dot com, Facebook, Spokeo
> all dug soil off of that long-dead and buried event.  Now it is up to her
> alone to decide to open that coffin.  I will not encourage or discourage
> her in any way.  I fear the odds of a happy ending are less than even, but
> I decided I have no right to make that decision, it is not mine to make;
> that is her right to make that call.  Good luck, my distant cousin, good
> luck and my very best wishes to you and your family.  I am with you pal,
> regardless of what you decide to do, and regardless of what line of
> reasoning, or lack thereof, employed by you to arrive at that decision.  I
> am your cheerleader, not your coach.****
>
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> I marvel at how dramatically things have changed just in the past decade.
> In 1989 and 1990, I invested several hundred hours doing genealogy the old
> fashioned way.  Back then there was a skillset.  Good researchers could
> master them.  Now it doesn’t take much, either in talent or in time.
> 23andMe supplies a pile of clues, along with solid genetic evidence, that
> can confirm suspicions or invalidate huge amounts of research, for a
> hundred dollars.  It is the great digital resurrection.****
>
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> spike****
>
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