[extropy-chat] Mystery of Missing Mayans Solved

[xllb at rogers.com]

J. Rothdell Grape, P.H.D. candidate, has published a paper in the Spring, 2004 issue of The Christian Anthropologist Journal.  His theory is likely to prick a lot of pride.

Mr. Grape is studying Central American Missions at Blake Bible College, in Lynchburg, Virginia.  Grape credits the summer he spent building homes for missionaries in Cancun, Mexico, for his theory. 

“I was at Carlos and Charlie’s having a pop.  There were Mayan hieroglyphics on the menu.”  Grape says.

 “They got me thinking, and I knew God was telling me to get to the real Mayan ruins right away.”

When Grape examined the ancient marks that covered the stone monuments, he didn’t see what he was looking for right away.  Grape knelt, facing away from the monument in case it was some kind of idol, and prayed for guidance.

“I’d been walking around the thing for about twenty minutes before the first hint hit me.  Some of the markings clearly represented animals and people.  A significant number of the people or animal drawings were in pairs.

“My thought process, which God was gently guiding, went kind of like this.  That’s two dogs or wolves or something, doing something together.  I wrote that down in my notebook.  That there is two Mayan people standing on a wall.  That one is a Mayan guy pointing a spear at another Mayan guy.  And that one is two Mayans dancing.

“Right then God gave me the second clue.”  It wasn’t just any two Mayans dancing.  It was two ancient Mayan guys dancing. “

“I was really excited, because this is exactly what I was looking for to prove my theory, but my faith is small, so I asked God for one more sign.  I knew that if my theory could be proven, we would defeat our homosexual opponents once and for all.  Even if they come up with a gay gene, we will still be able to show that gays caused the downfall of the entire Mayan civilization, just as they had caused the downfall of Sodom and Gomorrah. 

“I was looking for the third sign as I rushed to the men’s washroom, passing stone things that had the answer right there on them.  I should have caught on right away but I really had to pee.

“I was standing at the urinal, thinking about the drawing of the Mayan guy poking a spear at the other Mayan guy.   As I put myself away, I realized that the guy wasn’t poking the other guy with a spear.”

“I ran back out to the big old stone thing and my eyes were opened.  What I’d thought was a spear was a penis.  And the other guy didn’t look the least bit unhappy.  They were having homosexual relations.

“The fourth and final sign sealed my mind on this one.  The drawing that I’d first interpreted as two Mayan people standing on a wall, I’m now convinced are two gay guys getting married.”

Watch for “Mystery of Missing Mayans Solved” in the Spring, 2004 issue of The Christian Anthropologist Journal.

Rick Strongitharm


"Dogma blinds."
"Hell is overkill."