[extropy-chat] Car of the (near) future

Adrian Tymes wingcat at pacbell.net
Thu May 26 17:31:39 UTC 2005

--- giorgio gaviraghi <giogavir at yahoo.it> wrote:
> i am working on a n environment plannning project
> caled terraforming planet earth.
> part of it we mention future personal transportation
> system
> i am sending a draft .
> comments and feedbacks are welcome

Not to be harsh, but...you really need to work on your capitalization
and other grammar for a formal proposal.  Funding agencies (and most
audiences that matter) tend to round-file proposals with this many
errors, without ever giving a moment's thought to their potential
merits.  (If you're still learning English, consider this an incentive
to get much better in a hurry.)

For example:

> Personal transportation vehicle (PTV)

Should be "Personal Transportation Vehicle" if you're going to make an
acronym of it.

> Car diffusion in recent times have created more
> problems than benefits.

"Car diffusion" is a singular noun, referring to one broad class of
actions.  Ergo, you should use "has" instead of "have".

(Also, minor error: "car diffusion" is not a term in general use, ergo
you should define it when first using it, or better yet find an
equivalent term that is in general use.  For instance, "The growing use
of cars".)

> Originally the introduction of the car,
> enthusiastically received by all societies and the
> symbol of the beginning of its affluence allowing

Run-on sentence: you probably want a comma after "affluence".  (General
rule: try saying the sentence aloud, only taking a breath where you
have commas or other punctuation breaks.  If you run short on breath
between commas, you need another comma.)

> unlimited mobility and personal  freedom improving

Spacing error: should only be one space in "personal freedom".

> everybody’s lifestyles.
> Entire cities, especially in the USA with its suburban

You should probably insert blank lines between paragraphs, so as to
make the paragraphs easier to distinguish from one another.

> society, were built around the car.

And you definitely want to keep one-sentence paragraphs to a minimum.
(Remember: this is not standard Internet e-text, but a formal proposal.
Formal writing has much stricter grammar rules!)

> Commuting for work, schooling , using the car for

You should have no space between "schooling" and the comma after it.

And so forth.  These may seem nitpicky, but you have to be structurally
almost perfect before those who review proposals would proceed to
actually consider the ideas contained in your proposal.

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