[extropy-chat] Re:Just trying to figure it out

[Adrian Tymes]

--- Anna Tylor <femmechakra at hotmail.com> wrote:
> This is my first publication..i really have no idea what i'm talking 
> about!..lol
> I just want an opinion

I think it would help clarify your thinking if you used more formal
language.  One of the reasons formal language is, in fact, widely used
for these types of things is because it helps people clarify complex
thoughts - both for their own benefit, and to help communicate those
thoughts to other people.  (Having great ideas is of little use if no
one else understands them.  It is a fact of life, fair or unfair, that
the burden of getting others to understand your thoughts falls more on
you than on anyone else, because only you truly control how you express
your thoughts.)  For example:

> A model of mind-body is proposed: a potential ideal of
> computational leverage

Lose the colons.  You're using them to denote association, but it is
better to explicitly state what the association is.  Also, note the
object that performs any action.  In this case, you might want:

"I propose a model of mind-body.  It is a potential ideal of
computational leverage."

Once you have it in that form, you can more easily see where more
detail can be added (adding detail being one of the things that will
help clarify your thoughts), or simply restate your thoughts more
directly.  For example:

"I propose a model of the mind-body relationship.  Accurately modelling
that relationship can help turn mere computation into true artificial
intelligence."

> Mechanisms that are based upon primitive properties
> of the universe (such as space, time, and number of
> dimensions) derived from modern physics consistency
> arguments.

Again, formal language:

"Mechanisms that are based upon primitive properties of the universe
(such as space, time, and number of dimensions) are derived from modern
physics consistency arguments."

That second "are" can make more difference than it seems at first.

And so forth throughout the document.