[ExI] Geologists "Survivor"

[Amara Graps]

Rolling over in laughter.. here is a story about what makes a good
'science story' (or rather what _doesn't_) for Reality TV. Enjoy!

Amara



Geologists in Popular Culture <
http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Popular_Culture&action=edit
>

While the media rarely represents geologists to the general
population, (excluding sound bytes on Discovery Channel volcano
specials), there was one recent attempt to integrate geologists into a
television program. According to various blog sources, CBS was looking
to produce a new reality tv show for 2008, after correctly predicting
that the writers' strike would cut down on their ability to create
blue-toned dramatic shows centering around corpses. One of their
production managers happened to see a documentary on a volcanologist
researching lava in Hawaii, and seeing the danger and excitement
inherent in people smashing molten hot 'magma' with rock hammers,
pitched the idea of a 'geologist survivor-type' show.

In December of 2007, CBS hired a production crew to pull the show
together; the scenario was that nine geologists would be placed in the
field, where they would vote each other off based on their willingness
to do dangerous geologist type feats common to the field; like
researching active volcanoes, earthquakes, landslides, and landing in
bush planes on glaciers. Geologists that weren't up to the task would
be voted off, and the last remaining "Hard-core geologist" would win a
prize.The production was plagued from the beginning. They were
successful in finding nine geologists, 6 males and three females,
between 25 and 50 years of age, and they quickly set up the first
challenge; researching an active volcano in the Phillipines . The
geologists and camera crew set up camp near the bottom of the volcano.
The camera crew filmed the nine geologists bonding. The geologists
were supplied with alchohol (a common strategy to loosen up the cast
in reality TV), but the camera crew was surprised to notice that even
after drinking gallons of the liquid, the geologists did not change
their behavior, and continued talking in an obscure jargonized
language about 'bombs', 'breccia,' and 'lahars,' none of which made
for good reality tv.

This trend continued through the entire first challenge; the
geologists were seemingly oblivious to the camera, and the only
interpersonal drama occured when the seismologist and structural
geologist got into a yelling match over the best recipe for chilli.
When the camera-crew and geologists went up to do research on the
volcano, instead of sticking together, the geologists scattered into
the landscape, and the camera-crew found themselves unable to find
more than two at a time. Also, after listening to the volcanologist
eagerly predict just how soon the volcano would blow, the camera-crew
became extremely nervous and returned to the camp. The final result
was almost no footage, and the editors were unable to make sense of
what footage their was because they had no idea what the hell the
geologists were talking about. Finally, few of the scientists seemed
to understand the concept of 'voting off' another member. After
consulting a nearby university, the crew finally explained that they
'competing for a GSA research grant.' This didn't go well either, as
the geologists pointed out that they didn't have the time to write a
paper...finally, they were simply told to get rid of someone on some
sort of criteria. After a council, the geologists decided that whoever
had the worst aim with a rockhammer would be told to leave.

The second event, landing in a bush plane in upper Alaska, was a
complete failure. None of the geologists were nervous at the idea,
which destroyed the drama the crew was hoping for, and worse yet,
no-one in the production crew was willing to accompany the geologists
to the site, out of sheer terror. The result was that small cameras
were given to two of the geologists to film themselves. When the
footage and geologists returned, the editors found tapes filled with
footage and commentary about mountains and 'glacial erratics'. Only
ten percent of the footage featured humans, and most of that footage
was simply the petrologist standing by outcrops for scale.

By the time the production reached Hawaii, most of the camera-crew had
quit (because of the steady diet of chilli and the dangerous
situations), and only five of the geologists were left; not because
they had been voted off, but because they had been over-excited by
rock formations at various locations and had refused to leave.
More-ever, paying for an almost-constant supply of beer and
transportation of the geologists' luggage (piles of rocks), had almost
exhausted the budget. CBS finally pulled the plug on the project in
January, 2008, despite their fear that they might be sued for
withdrawing the promise of a prize; however, none of the geologists
sued, as they were still under the impression that they needed to
publish a research paper to receive the money.

-- 

Amara Graps, PhD      www.amara.com
Research Scientist, Southwest Research Institute (SwRI), Boulder, Colorado