[ExI] 23andme again

BillK pharos at gmail.com
Wed Jun 26 07:59:54 UTC 2013

On Wed, Jun 26, 2013 at 4:35 AM, spike wrote:
> Ja, thanks.  I wouldn’t make any suggestions past how to find the person.  I
> will do it in such a way that she still needs to do her due diligence, look
> up the info, etc.  I have no commentary to offer on what she does with the
> info if anything at all.

Looking for birth parents is a common situation for adopted children.
There are many organisations and aids for this situation. e.g. forums,
Mutual Consent registers, etc.

Reunion Registries, also known as Mutual Consent Registries, are
usually maintained by the state or private individuals. Basically the
way in which a registry works is that each member of the adoption
triad registers, hoping to be matched with someone else who might be
searching for them.

Many states and provinces have instituted intermediary or search and
consent systems. These require an individual (usually limited to adult
adoptees or birthparents) to express a desire to have the state, an
agency official or a trained, confidential intermediary search for and
locate his/her birthparents or child. The CI is then given access to
the complete court and/or agency file and, using the information
contained in it, attempts to locate the individuals. If and when
contact is made by the intermediary, the person found is given the
option of allowing or refusing contact by the party searching. The CI
then reports the results to the court; if the contact has been refused
that ends the matter. If the person located agrees to contact, the
court will authorize the CI to give the name and current address of
the person sought to the adoptee or birthparent. Check with the state
your adoption occurred in as to the availability of an Intermediary

The birth parents often do not want to be contacted, when the adoption
is a buried family secret, or the father is avoiding responsibilities.
Remember, the parents are not necessarily 'nice guys'. The adopted
child is warned not to have too high expectations.

If you want to take on the job of being the intermediary, then you
should contact the parents yourself and tell them that their daughter
wants to talk to them. They may refuse, of course. Then you can just
forget about it. Otherwise, put them in touch with each other.

"Don't shoot the messenger" comes to mind here though. If it turns out
badly, she may blame you.


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