[ExI] What will my Mormon Seminary Teacher Sister Think about my Dead Mom?

[Brent Allsop]

My Mom just died,  So I apologize if I shouldn't be trying to 
communicate my current feelings in this way to all I love and trust so 
fully.

I'm a Transhumanist, so it feels to me like we've now decided to rot my 
Mom in hell.  I'm having troubles sleeping now at 3:00 AM, thinking of 
how my Mom is, right now, rotting in that mortuary cooler, beginning 
what feels to me like will be more than a thousand years of lonely hell 
for the living.

I'm trying not to hate my sister.  It is currently my feeling that My 
Dad and my two Brothers might have been OK with preserving her, and not 
throwing her away for more than a thousand years.  Me, alone (terribly 
disappointing my wife), funding her $80K preservation at Alcor, if it 
wasn't for my youngest sister.  All I can think about is them now being 
able to sleep, naively thinking my Mom is now in a happy place, 
separated from us, the living.  Her now being with dead people, Santa 
Clause, the tooth fairy, Jesus and God.  After all, my Mom was 
hallucinating very terribly, right before she died, and it was almost as 
if she was talking with Dead people, in between the time when she was 
complaining of being upside down.  For some reason, though, My sister 
didn't think she seemed comforted.  At least one time, my sister said my 
Mom referred to it as being a nightmare.  But we just ignore all that 
part of it, because we like our happy thoughts, and my sister just 
loaded her up with more Morphine (now wondering if she did the right 
thing) trying to make it stop, so she could be "comforted".  Yea, if you 
feel happy, or don't know what you're missing, everything is OK,  and 
your not in a worse hell, right?

Anyway, I've already blown up more than a few times, before my Mom died, 
storming out of the room, slamming the door, weeping and swearing about 
throwing Mom away and rotting Her in hell for more than a thousand 
years, after having conversations about this with my family.

My family is now planning the funeral.  I feel like, because of my 
current instabilities (I don't know what I'll do at the funeral, knowing 
my mom will be rotting right there, us getting ready to throw her away - 
at least they've decided to close the casket, I hope that will help), 
they've censored me, the first born son, from speaking at my Mom's 
funeral, hoping it will be good enough to let me give the dedicatory 
prayer to God over the grave.  I try over and over again to tell them 
I'm a staunch Atheist, but they keep asking me to pray, so I try as hard 
as I can to pray, whenever they ask, in an attempt to make them happy.  
So I'm wondering what you think my Mormon Seminary Teacher Sister, and 
the many, many, other temple worker friends of my Mom will think about 
IF I prayed something like the following over the grave:


"Heavenly Father,

We come before thee, this day, to dedicate this grave, for the purpose 
of preserving my Mom's Body.   It is my feeling that nobody will ever 
give up till that glorious day of resurrection, when her body, all of 
Her memories, and all that Mom is, is finally reunited with this body we 
now lay in this grave.

For those of us that currently feel like throwing her away and rotting 
her in hell like this, is a grave sin of omision, if we are mistaken in 
our thinking, please guide and inspire those that know better, so they 
may be able to find the words to successfully communicate to those of us 
who are still mistaken, so that we may find some kind of comfort in this 
what now feels like a grave sin of omission worse than when ignorant 
slave owners murdered slaves.

And for those that think God will do everything to resurrect us, while 
we do nothing, if they are sinning, help those that have the moral 
capability to realize this, to be able to find the words, to better 
communicate, so this kind of grave sinning of omission may cease, 
sooner.  For it is our prayer that more people will soon be better 
preserved, so that more people may be able to be resurrected during the 
morning of the first resurrection, rather than rotting in the hell, in 
graves like this one, possibly for more than 1000 lonely years, if not 
forever.

We so dedicate this grave, for the preservation of what is left of Mom's 
body,

in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."


And if I shouldn't say something like that, what should I say?  Is there 
any way I can help make everyone else feel happy thoughts, despite what 
I'll be feeling?  I'm trying to make what they want my top priority, but 
it is sometimes very hard, and I don't know if I can manage it, yet 
again, at least this time.

I must just be the lonely crazy Son, right?