[ExI] anger

[Stuart LaForge]

Quoting Bill Wallace:

> If by 'dove' you mean someone who wants to avoid physical conflict 'at all
> cost', then no - that's not me. In fact I am probably a hawk who is afraid
> of going too far if I get angry.

Come to think of it, in a previous email you did advocate removal of  
people's capacity for anger through genetic or other means. Assuming  
you meant other people's anger, that does kind of make you a hawk.

   (If they won't act right, I'll bomb them
> back into the Stone Age!)  My children provoked me many times to anger and
> I had to fight it.  I don't believe in hitting children, which is what
> anger usually leads a parent to do, or perhaps hitting them too hard or too
> long.  One can be a very firm disciplinarian without the threat of
> violence.  I believe in negative punishment (details available upon
> request).

The Spartans submerged their newborns in wine to test their mettle.  
What did you teach your children to survive? If you never lifted your  
hand in anger against them did you at least teach them how to defend  
themselves against someone who might have been less conscientious?

Is not depriving someone of his life not negative punishment? How  
about simply standing around while it is lost? Does it matter if you  
deprive a person of their life all at once or an hour at a time?  
Passive aggressiveness is simply exquisitely civilized violence. Why  
do you delude yourself onto some moral high ground about modern  
civilization? Do you believe the absolute number of humans alive at  
any one time is some measure of the common good? What about the  
quality of life of the billions?

> I believe that you could give me almost unlimited examples of how anger
> communicates 'that's enough' and I could give you alternatives not
> involving anger.  (one personal one:  my chairman told me that if I didn't
> start coming to faculty meetings he would break my tenure, all said with a
> straight face, no emotions.

There is quite a gap between feeling an emotion and losing control of  
your behavior. You seem to either underestimate your chairman's poker  
face or overestimate your own ability to discern motive from people's  
affectations. He might have said it in a flat inflectionless tone of  
voice but the REASON he said it was that he was pissed at you for not  
paying him his proper respect as your alpha male. If he truly lacked  
anger than he would have not given a shit. Politics in university  
psychology departments must be fascinating.

> I did not believe that he could do that, but
> it was just easier for me to start going - taking a book with me).

The is nothing wrong with humoring him, but if he starts escalating  
his demands and pushes you too far, remember the ancient Klingon  
proverb that "revenge is a dish best served cold." ;-)

Stuart LaForge