[ExI] list intimidation
sen.otaku at gmail.com
Wed Apr 12 22:04:24 UTC 2023
I call these "non-informative" speech acts "social tokens". The content is
evaluated as pleasant ("your butt looks nice", "fine and you", "we BBQ'd
this weekend") or as not-pleasant (literally anything else). The goal of
these "social tokens" is the creation of a casual social bond -- by
exchanging a social token, you are showing your willingness to be friendly
and helpful with the other person, and this increases their "liking" in
relation to you. So if you exchange lots of social tokens, someone will
think of you as pleasant, kind, and helpful, even if you don't speak often
or haven't done anything particularly helpful or nice for them.
I find these kinds of speech acts less disgusting if I think of them that
way. For example: I try to respond to every single one of my twitter
comments, even if it's only a single emoji or a reaction like
"riiiiiiight?" and people see this as extremely thoughtful and fun, and it
dramatically increases their liking of me. It's just a (more or less)
meaningless social token. Try exchanging them with a new acquaintance and
see how much it really works.
On Wed, Apr 12, 2023 at 2:59 PM William Flynn Wallace via extropy-chat <
extropy-chat at lists.extropy.org> wrote:
> "Yeah, your bum does look a bit big in that. But I still love you". Come
> on, what is actually wrong with that? Ben Ben, you are not playing
> the game right. What seems to be a question isn't a question. It's a plea
> for positive feedback. Women know that many of the compliments they get are
> false and manipulative, but they want them anyway. Go figure. Ask women
> about it. See what women on this list write about it. Sometimes you just
> have to say what people want to hear. If you ask "How are you?", do you
> expect to be given a detailed list of health problems ? No. Play the
> game. Say "Just fine and how are you?" Now you can say that these social
> games are superficial and trite, but people know that. You can't meet a
> person and immediately talk about religion, politics, or sex. It's just
> "NOT DONE". *PLaying the game shows that you can conform to social
> expectations even though you might hate them*. It took me quite a few
> years to understand this. bill w
> On Wed, Apr 12, 2023 at 12:34 PM Ben Zaiboc via extropy-chat <
> extropy-chat at lists.extropy.org> wrote:
>> On 12/04/2023 14:22, efc at swisscows.email wrote:
>> On Mon, 10 Apr 2023, Ben Zaiboc via extropy-chat wrote:
>> What are you expected to do? lie all the time? Be a fake person?
>> I have a feeling that this is a list of the type of persons who are
>> attracted to this mailing list maybe?
>> Technical/scientific people who work in areas where things work or don't
>> However, I've worked a lot (and am working) in sales and management, so
>> I think this is not a binary question. Depending on the situation, and
>> what you want to get out of the situation, you can phrase your intent in
>> many different ways.
>> If I know that someone in my team doesn't react well to direct feedback,
>> I try to soften the blow. If someone doesn't get nuances, I give it to
>> him straight.
>> I don't see that as me "faking" or hiding who I am. I see that as me
>> trying to communicate as effectively as possible to get my ideas across.
>> Each point is saying 'this, this, this.. on the other hand that that
>> that'. So what are we meant to understand from this?
>> Not much. I would take with me the message that adapt how you
>> communicate depending on the situation and what you would like to get
>> out of it.
>> Best regards, Daniel
>> Thanks, Daniel.
>> I do see what you're getting at. For me, this idea of adapting your
>> message seems to imply that communication is not about communication as
>> such, rather more about manipulation.
>> Personally, I balk at that. I know how to be manipulative (to a degree,
>> anyway. Can't claim to be an expert!), and I don't like it. I feel it makes
>> me a worse person, not a better one, so tend to avoid it. I can't say if
>> Honesty is really the best policy, but it's certainly the most honest one,
>> and the one that makes me feel good about myself. Constantly manipulating
>> people would definitely not do that.
>> "Yeah, your bum does look a bit big in that. But I still love you". Come
>> on, what is actually wrong with that?
>> extropy-chat mailing list
>> extropy-chat at lists.extropy.org
> extropy-chat mailing list
> extropy-chat at lists.extropy.org
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