[Paleopsych] Blogcritics.org: Peterson's son Elian Gonzalez abducted by Jackson 5--El queso existe!
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Wed Mar 30 19:39:05 UTC 2005
Blogcritics.org: Peterson's son Elian Gonzalez abducted by Jackson
5--El queso existe!
Peterson's son Elian Gonzalez abducted by Jackson 5--El queso existe!
Posted by Leoniceno on March 26, 2005 08:10 PM (See all
Today, in a shocking twist of fate, Scott Peterson discovered that he
had murdered Terri Schiavo, leaving Laci Peterson in a brain-dead
coma. Peterson is now taking legal action to have his sentence
reversed, on the basis that all the legal documents have the wrong
name on them.
[tinyscott.jpg] "I am just outraged at the enormous injustice the U.S.
legal system has done me," said Peterson, "I deserve a fair trial, and
I cannot receive one when everyone assume that I murdered someone
named 'Peterson' rather than 'Schiavo'."
O.J. Simpson was on hand to comfort Peterson in his mistaken identity
"You know, man, you could get another trial based on this. I would
offer you the legal team that got me off, man, but that would cost me
Instead Simpson gave Peterson a self-published volume titled 'The
Poetry of the O.J. Simpson Trial.' The book was very short, containing
only the phrase "If the glove does not fit, you must acquit." Simpson
emphasized to Peterson the transformational power of poetry. Peterson
ground his teeth and stared at his feet. Peterson later claimed to be
inspired, though, and shared some of his poetry with the A.P.
I look like Ben Affleck
I was in Paris, really I was.
Isn't it a nice day
Peterson's lawyer expressed confidence that Peterson's poetry would
connect with jurors.
[elian.case.vs.jpg] [fidel-castro-pic.jpg] The parents of Laci
Peterson were upset not only by the revelation that their daughter had
been in a hospice in Florida, but that the grand-child that they lost
was none other than Elian Gonzalez, now living in Cuba. Fidel Castro
had been raising Gonzalez in an abandoned Cuban resort.
"Here we were thinking that our grand-child had been murdered when in
fact he is a teenaged Cuban boy whose mother has been brain-dead since
before his birth!" said Peterson's mother.
Fidel Castro, in an interview with Weekly World News, told reporters
that Elian Gonzalez was abducted before his birth by pasty-faced pop
singers with black hair and umbrellas. He is now taking legal action
to make sure that Michael Jackson's family can never harm Gonzalez
"There they were holding umbrellas--and it wasn't even raining! Mi
madre es el padre de los monos!" said Castro.
Michael Jackson was outraged by the accusations levelled against him
by the super-annuated dictator.
"I have never had any relationship with this boy Looly-lamb
Gonna-beds--pardon me, Elian Gonzalez. Anyone who says so is
just--well, they're just being mean! said Jackson, who was unable to
complete the interview.
Jackson offered Castro a box of Havana cigars as settlement in the
case. Castro took it, saying, "It's best to appease those filthy
capitalists. El queso existe!"
None of the nation's judges were interested in taking on this titanic
legal muddle. They petitioned Bush to sign an excutive order exiling
the involved parties to the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Bush
complied, and the nationed breathed a titanic sigh of relief.
"Now," said Bush, "let's talk about my social security reforms..."
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