[Paleopsych] Blogcritics.org: Peterson's son Elian Gonzalez abducted by Jackson 5--El queso existe!

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Blogcritics.org: Peterson's son Elian Gonzalez abducted by Jackson
5--El queso existe!
http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/03/26/201006.php

Peterson's son Elian Gonzalez abducted by Jackson 5--El queso existe!

    Posted by [168]Leoniceno on March 26, 2005 08:10 PM (See [169]all

    Today, in a shocking twist of fate, Scott Peterson discovered that he
    had murdered Terri Schiavo, leaving Laci Peterson in a brain-dead
    coma. Peterson is now taking legal action to have his sentence
    reversed, on the basis that all the legal documents have the wrong
    name on them.

    [tinyscott.jpg] "I am just outraged at the enormous injustice the U.S.
    legal system has done me," said Peterson, "I deserve a fair trial, and
    I cannot receive one when everyone assume that I murdered someone
    named 'Peterson' rather than 'Schiavo'."

    O.J. Simpson was on hand to comfort Peterson in his mistaken identity
    plight.

    "You know, man, you could get another trial based on this. I would
    offer you the legal team that got me off, man, but that would cost me
    money."

    Instead Simpson gave Peterson a self-published volume titled 'The
    Poetry of the O.J. Simpson Trial.' The book was very short, containing
    only the phrase "If the glove does not fit, you must acquit." Simpson
    emphasized to Peterson the transformational power of poetry. Peterson
    ground his teeth and stared at his feet. Peterson later claimed to be
    inspired, though, and shared some of his poetry with the A.P.

      I look like Ben Affleck
      I was in Paris, really I was.
      Isn't it a nice day
      No

    Peterson's lawyer expressed confidence that Peterson's poetry would
    connect with jurors.

    -------------------------------------------

    [elian.case.vs.jpg] [fidel-castro-pic.jpg] The parents of Laci
    Peterson were upset not only by the revelation that their daughter had
    been in a hospice in Florida, but that the grand-child that they lost
    was none other than Elian Gonzalez, now living in Cuba. Fidel Castro
    had been raising Gonzalez in an abandoned Cuban resort.

    "Here we were thinking that our grand-child had been murdered when in
    fact he is a teenaged Cuban boy whose mother has been brain-dead since
    before his birth!" said Peterson's mother.

    Fidel Castro, in an interview with Weekly World News, told reporters
    that Elian Gonzalez was abducted before his birth by pasty-faced pop
    singers with black hair and umbrellas. He is now taking legal action
    to make sure that Michael Jackson's family can never harm Gonzalez
    again.

    "There they were holding umbrellas--and it wasn't even raining! Mi
    madre es el padre de los monos!" said Castro.

    Michael Jackson was outraged by the accusations levelled against him
    by the super-annuated dictator.

    "I have never had any relationship with this boy Looly-lamb
    Gonna-beds--pardon me, Elian Gonzalez. Anyone who says so is
    just--well, they're just being mean! said Jackson, who was unable to
    complete the interview.

    Jackson offered Castro a box of Havana cigars as settlement in the
    case. Castro took it, saying, "It's best to appease those filthy
    capitalists. El queso existe!"

    None of the nation's judges were interested in taking on this titanic
    legal muddle. They petitioned Bush to sign an excutive order exiling
    the involved parties to the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Bush
    complied, and the nationed breathed a titanic sigh of relief.

    "Now," said Bush, "let's talk about my social security reforms..."