[extropy-chat] Humor: Terrorislam

Russell Evermore nanowave at shaw.ca
Sun Feb 1 09:45:54 UTC 2004

Well, another year another Hajj eh? In the wake of this year's great
pilgrimage to Mecca, the US is joining in the three-day Eid al-Adha
festivities by cancelling six incoming international flights - citing
chemical, biological, and radiological celebratory concerns.


Saudi Arabia's top cleric called on Muslims around the world Saturday to
forsake terrorism, saying those who claim to be holy warriors were an
affront to the faith.


Later that evening, when asked by a transhumanist pilgrim if Osama Bin Laden
would fall into that category - since no one seemed to actually recall him
referring to himself as a holy warrior (jihaddi), Sheik Abdul Aziz al-Sheik
winked and replied: "only the Prophet may say, peace be unto him."

During the sermon the Sheik apparently muddled up a number of statements
handed to him on a yellow slip of paper beforehand when he attempted to
rephrase the Administration's suggestions as questions:

"Is it holy war to shed Muslim blood? Is it holy war to shed the blood of
non-Muslims given sanctuary in Muslim lands? Is it holy war to destroy the
possession of Muslims?"

A number of hands went up in response but then dropped quickly when their
hosts realized the Shiek was in fact speaking rhetorically.

The United States has pushed the Riyadh government to crack down on Muslim
extremist groups and to censor its mosque sermons and school books to
eliminate phrases that encourage hostility toward Christians, Jews and other
non-Muslim faiths, (as well as atheists and transhumanists) , but Al-Sheik
sternly warned the throng against "changing the religion's basics" in school

"The minds of youth in the Islamic nation need to be shielded with Islamic
sharia and good manners and deeds. The nation's future generations will only
be reformed by what reformed the past generations," he said.

Attending dignitaries from the west glanced around until one whispered: "Did
he just say he wants them all to jettison reform and go back to strict
fundamentalist Wahhabite doctrine?" (such as Quran Sura 5:9 "slay the
unbeliever wherever you find him")

Fortunately the OSS had already dispatched a contingent from its volunteer
Spy Kids division who used their rocket powered boots to fly over the
prostrate crowds while dropping gilt lettered leaflets bearing testimonials
from other-wise apostates such as Salman Rushdie, Taslima Nasrin, Anwar
Shaikh, Ali Sina, Mahmoud, Syed Mirza Ali, and Mohsen. Many of the leaflets
included eye-opening web addresses for those pilgrims who had had the good
fortune to bring along their BlackBerry PDAs.




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