[ExI] Do you think too much?

[PJ Manney]

You may have already seen this floating around, but it's new to me and
I laughed.  When you hit the punch line, feel free to remove the last
two words and add your own, least favorite, cultural institution.

PJ

**************************************

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then -- just to loosen up.  Inevitably, though, one thought led to
another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.  I began to
think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew  it wasn't
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off
the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.  I began to think on the job. I knew that
thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began
to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius
and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking,
"What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If
you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another
job."This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been
thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said,
lower lip aquiver.  "You think as much as high school teachers, and
high school teachers don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking,
we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to
deal with the emotional drama.  "I'm going to the library," I snarled
as I stomped out the door.  I headed for the library, in the mood for
some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR (Fresh Air
interview of Daniel Shore) on the radio and ran up to the big glass
doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a
poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it asked.  You probably recognize that line. It comes from the
standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.  I never miss
a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last
week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a
lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I
stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for
me.

Today I took the final step...I joined the Republican Party.