[ExI] Getting Laid (was: simulation as an improvement over reality)

Ben Zaiboc bbenzai at yahoo.com
Mon Dec 27 01:04:47 UTC 2010

I've changed the subject line, as this has drifted quite a bit!

Alan Grimes <agrimes at speakeasy.net> wrote:

> I'm turning 33 next week... I have a house, a pile of gold
> and silver,
> no debt (even mortgage!), My physical appearance is
> actually rather
> good. But no, I couldn't get a date to save my life. I'm
> trying to talk
> a girl into being my first date on OKCupid, it's almost
> scary how well
> matched we are. We were talking about anime so I called us
> both Otaku,
> but she seems to have taken offense to that. =( If I can't
> get her to
> date me once, for even ten minutes, ending with a slap to
> my face, then
> it simply isn't going to happen in my lifetime. =(


I have no real experience with on-line dating, so don't know if it's better or worse than meeting people IRL, but I suspect it's worse.

Most guys are bad at this sort of thing. Always have been, always will be, but it doesn't matter.  You only need someone to like one thing about you. As long as you don't have some kind of show-stopper, like terminal bad breath or a tendency to hit people at random (both fixable), that one thing will win the lady.  Or a different one.  Don't fixate too much on one person, get to know lots, and a mutual interest is bound to emerge somewhere or other.

> > Come on, you're an extropian (I presume).  You
> know the drill.  Find what works, use it. If it
> doesn't
> > work for you, try something else.
> I have a null feedback signal. There is no way to apply any
> kind of
> hill-climbing algorithm. It's still purely monte-carlo for
> me. =(

You're saying you can't tell whether you are pissing someone off or interesting them?  Fine, use a different metric.  If they touch you at less than the speed of sound, it's a good thing.  If they leave without a word, it's bad.  There's your feedback.

> Recently, I'd been harboring the hypothesis that women
> don't actually
> have sex drives at all.


If you believe one thing I say, believe this:  Women have sex drives *at least* as strong as men's.  They are usually much better at hiding it, they may express it in different and subtler ways, but they definitely want someone to share their bed with.  Why do you think so many religions are scared to death of women?  Why do so many people in Africa mutilate their little girls' genitals?  Female sexuality is a very real and very powerful thing, have no doubt.

> > Come back when it's no longer a big deal, and *then*
> talk about the sexual motivations of
> > transhumanists.
> That is functionally equivalent to saying "don't come
> back". =(

Only if you're going to be defeatist about it.

Extropians don't do defeatism.

Probably the most useful thing I learned from NLP is that there is no such thing as failure.  You learn ways to *not* achieve your goals, which narrows down the field until you *do* achieve them.  Everyone knows how to do this, but most people forget.  Did you ever hear of anyone who can't walk because when they were a baby they fell down once then gave up trying?

Ben Zaiboc


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