[ExI] The American Doorway

[Rafal Smigrodzki]

On Thu, Feb 16, 2023 at 9:35 PM Max More <max at maxmore.com> wrote:


> If they are several seconds behind, it's wasting my time and may well make
> the other person feel like they should hurry. I don't like it when that
> happens to me.
>

### Yes, exactly!  I also don't like it when others hold the door for me
because either I have to slow down, or hurry up, or swerve around. Holding
doors for others indiscriminately is just wasteful.

In contrast, I might hold the door for somebody whose arms are occupied
with e.g. pizza boxes or, as Spike mentioned, long skirts, because that's
actually socially efficient - a minor effort on my part produces a larger
benefit to the other person which gives me a pleasant feeling doing
something good, and that feeling is actually justified by the benefit
received by the other person.

My guess is that the norm of holding doors for others indiscriminately may
have arisen from that warm feeling of beneficence that at some point became
unmoored from actually doing something good and became a form of virtue
signaling. People hold doors open to feel good about themselves just as
they mostly inconvenience rather than benefit others. A bit similar to the
potlatch and excessive gift-giving in some cultures that puts onerous
obligations of reciprocity on the recipients.

It's like when the local don insists on you taking generous gifts and
drinking his best wine.... you know you cannot refuse and you wonder what
he wants in return.

Rafal
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