[ExI] silly 'rules'

Adrian Tymes atymes at gmail.com
Mon Sep 21 06:11:23 UTC 2015

On Sun, Sep 20, 2015 at 10:56 PM, Adrian Tymes <atymes at gmail.com> wrote:

> On Sat, Sep 19, 2015 at 2:35 PM, Ben <bbenzai at yahoo.com> wrote:
>> Adrian wrote:
>> > even adults, but definitely children, might appreciate certain forms
>> > of art more if they have at least dabbled in the rudiments of the craft,
>> > rather than leaving the whole thing as a black box to them.
>> Well, that doesn't seem to work for me.  At least not with literature.
>> I've written short stories of my own, here's one:
>> Last night, I woke up in the small hours.  There was a fly buzzing at the
>> window.  When I went to let it out, a cat in the street looked up at me.
>> That's what short stories are like.  I see no difference (apart from
>> length) between that and the Hemingway one that Spike posted.  What do
>> people see in them?  I have no idea.
>  TBH, I too saw that particular story as somewhat boring and bland, a bad
> example of what stories can be and why they appeal.  Perhaps the biggest
> problem that stood out to me: too many lines that were all-dialogue, not
> indicating what was happening in the scene (or at least giving reminders
> who was speaking).
> I've written quite a few stories over the years - some just for fun, some
> for sharing.  http://www.fanworks.org/view.php?storyid=373 is technically
> a fan work, but I think you'll be able to understand most of it without
> knowing the series it's based off of.  (Warning: it does get a bit dark,
> but I'm trying for something that's an obvious contrast with that Hemingway
> story.  Even if you can't quite describe what's different, hopefully you
> should at least be able to tell that something is indeed substantially
> different, other than just the length.)

Actually, thinking about it, here's a better example - non-fanwork, so it
stands completely on its own (other than being part of a larger story; this
is just a snippet after the two main characters have been introduced):


The arc over the mall's exit glittered with an inner fire, produced by the
countless microbots that comprised it. Words scrolled across its surface as
if drifting on a sea of liquid metal. Currently it read, "How you use your
gear makes you Cool, not just having the gear. Use it awesomely!"

Tom rolled his eyes as he walked out. "Sometimes I think they try too hard."

Sylvia, latched on his arm, giggled. "I think it's cute. So, did you find
what you wanted?"

Tom nodded, fishing in his pocket for a box. "Yeah. I'm still surprised,
though. I mean, they had artificial diamond before the Plague, but..."

Smiling, Sylvia interrupted. "...not in this quantity. Any basic material –
any non-radioactive element, most crystals – we can make cheap. What did
you get, anyway?"

Tom pulled out a ring of pure, perfect diamond. It caught a reflection from
the arc and glittered.

Sylvia's eyes widened. "Pretty. What's it for?"

"It's to help me with a space pirate. She stole something precious."

Sylvia let go. "What?" She looked around, then whispered, "You should have
told me! I could ask the local boss, we could get a bounty set up,
and...what'd she steal, anyway?" The catgirl looked at Tom, only to see he
was no longer at eye level.

He was kneeling, cupping the ring in both hands and presenting it to
Sylvia. "My heart."
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